Memories Return
by Twilight Cherry
Summary: God is cruel. Your beloved got into an accident and the first thing he said to you when he wakes up from comatose was "Are you Usagi-san?" God is just too cruel. But were things that simple?
1. Usami Akihiko: Helpless

**Haha… I wrote a new story again. Yeah, go ahead. Kill me. Hahaha… I'm really a bad writer huh? Starting new stories before I even finish the previous ones. But I just can't help it. Hahaha…**

**Memories Return**

**Usami Akihiko: Helpless**

Even before I entered one of the many rooms in the long corridor, I could distinctively hear the monitor's consistent beeping. I wonder if I should be relieved or frustrated to hear the beeping. That sound signaled two things. One, he was alive. Two, I failed to protect him. I couldn't help hesitate before reaching for the door knob. On the door plate, characters were printed in bold.

**Takahashi Misaki**

The nearly all white room disturbed me greatly. It was not because of the color but the person lying on that snow white bed. His skin was so pale until it nearly blended along with the white surrounding him. A thin, transparent tube was attached to his left arm. The liquid dripping in an almost constant rhythm was red in color. An angry red color. Looking at the boy of about 20 lying on the bed breathing through an oxygen mask, I felt as if someone had just sucked out all of my energy from my body. I slumped tiredly onto the chair next to the bed.

"The operation was a success. We managed to remove the blood clotted inside his brain. However, since his brain has undergone severe shocks, he is now in coma state. He may have slight amnesia when he wakes too. All we could hope is that no more internal bleeding would occur and he would awaken soon. That's all we can do." The doctor's words rang clearly in my head. Anguished and desperate, I had grabbed the doctor by his collar and shook him, demanding that he cure Misaki at once. Money did not matter.

"I'm very sorry but this is all we can do." That was what the doctor said. Unable to contain the anger in my trembling body anymore, I pushed the doctor hard and smashed my fist against the wall. The pain was nothing compared to the one in my heart. I then stomped off to his room.

……**.**

Aikawa and I were deep in discussion about the upcoming novel. As she looked through the scripts I had printed, I suddenly noticed that the silent breathing and soft clinking sounds that usually come from the kitchen was gone. I got up and stretched my stiff body after sitting for so long, intending to recharge myself and refill the coffee cups that were now empty but there was no sign of him around. Looking around, a yellow piece of memo that was stuck to the refrigerator caught my eyes.

"Gone out for a little shopping. Coffee is in the pot." The note read with an arrow pointing to the left, indicating the pot on the warmer. Picking up the pot to pour more of the caffeinated drink into the cup, I was amused how quietly he managed to sneak out without me noticing. I smiled a little, thinking of how to tease him when he comes home. From the hall, Aikawa thanked me for the work and took her leave. I continued my little fantasy on the sofa, lighting a cigarette. A smirk formed on my face.

"Usami-sensei! Misaki-kun had been in an accident!" She burst in a few minutes later, disturbing my little imaginary world. I was stunned for a second, causing the finished cigarette stump to fall from my mouth.

"The guard downstairs told me. He was sent to Tokyo Hospital." Aikawa blabbed on as none of these registered properly in my now blank brain. When my senses returned to me, I shot up from my seat and walked wordlessly to my car. I did not care when Aikawa jumped into the passenger seat as I started the car. Stamping down on the accelerator, I drove with only one thing on my mind.

'_Misaki!'_

"In which room is Takahashi Misaki in?" I had banged on the desk and yelled at the frightened nurse. Patients and doctors turned their head towards me but I couldn't be bothered. The nurse was stuttering and trembling so much that I wanted to jump in and take control of the computer she was managing.

"I-I'm so-sorry but-" The nurse broke off in mid-sentence as I gave her one of my death glare. She looked like she was on the verge of crying but all I care was Misaki.

"I'm sorry about that. He is about 20, has chocolate brown hair and had been in a car accident. He might not be registered. Could you check for us again?" Aikawa pushed me aside and calmly said to the nurse who seemed relieved once I was out of strangling distance.

"Oh! That boy. He's in Operation Room 7. Down this hall, fourth room on your left." She pointed us the direction with slightly a wavering smile. Without waiting for Aikawa, I dashed down the hall. She thanked the nurse before chasing after me.

"The operation is still going on…" Aikawa had stated. Even without her statement, I knew. The light above the door that reads 'operation' in capitals were white surrounded by a bright blood red color. I waited impatiently, pacing up and down restlessly in front of that door that separated him from me. For the first time in an extremely long time, I prayed with all my heart to God. All I prayed for was for him to be alright. I did not ask for more.

……**.**

"Misaki…" I took his right hand gently, handling him with extreme care, like a treasure. Indeed, he was like a treasure to me. It pained me to see his head and parts of his body in white bandages. It was like someone had scratched my diamond. I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it softly.

"Please be alright…" I mumbled as droplets of tears fell. Like I had said before to him, I had not and would never let anyone else see me looking so pathetic except him. Never in my life had I felt so helpless before as I stared the person I love the most lying unconsciously on the bed.

……**.**

**Well? What do you think? I've read a few stories around here that sounds almost the same but believe me. This is my own idea. Somehow, that sentence doesn't even convince me. Hahaha… But it is real. Oh, enough of me blabbering. I'll update real fast, I hope. Because I already wrote quite a lot of it.**

**Till then, please review! And Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Oh! I know, the next chapter would be on my birthday!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	2. Takahashi Misaki: Usagisan?

**Yay! It's my birthday! Happy birthday to me! Since I am in such a great mood and I did some sort promise to update on my birthday, so here's the chapter!**

**Memories Return**

**Takahashi Misaki: Usagi-san?**

I was in an empty space. There was nothing except for the pitch black surrounding. I walked forward without direction, extending my arms out to feel for something, anything. My echoed footsteps told me that I was in a large room, probably empty. Fear started to build in me as I unconsciously picked up speed, hoping to reach a wall or a door. However, after running forward for what seems a few minutes, there was still nothing within my touch. I was on the verge of tears.

'_Misaki.'_

Relieve immediately washed over my body. I stood still and steadied my labored breathing, wishing that the voice will call out once again so that I could identify where the source is.

'_Misaki…'_

Warmth filled my body to the tips of my fingers and toes when that voice reached my ears, fulfilling my silent wish. It was gentle and loving, enveloping my slightly trembling body with a secure feeling. A blinding white light then appeared out of nowhere in front of me, shaped like a door. The gentle voice called again. This time, I could tell that the voice was coming from the door.

'_Misaki…'_

The voice seemed to be getting softer each time. Panicked, I launched myself through the warm light with my hand outstretched, seeking for the person who called me. I did not felt any solid form but I was within the white light. The voice was getting further as it beckoned me towards it.

"Wait! Don't go!" I ran with all my strength towards the disappearing voice, fearing of being left alone again. The exit at the end of the light tunnel became extremely bright that I had to squeeze my eyes shut as I ran headlong into it.

**.......**

When I opened my eyes suddenly, my head spun dizzily. Images were a blur. I closed my eyes a while before opening them again. The ceiling was not familiar to me. Neither were the walls around me as I rolled my eyes from side to side. I wanted to sit up to get a clearer view of my new surroundings but the heavy feeling on my head warned me otherwise. Strong alcoholic and disinfections smell reached my nose, causing me to sneeze a little. Only then did I feel that my whole body felt heavy and sore.

"Misaki!" The image of my brother and a man with dull gray hair came into my range of vision. The face of the man was new to me but when he smiled, the warmth that I felt earlier in that light tunnel surrounded me. Some sort of déja-vu feeling reached me. My face lifted into a smile in return. No words were exchanged between us but I could clearly see the relieved expression on his face. I was only half listening to what my brother was saying and partially aware that my brother was fiddling with the button beside my bed. Heavy footsteps came running and the click when the door knob was twisted reached my ears within seconds. A man in white and two ladies similarly dressed appeared. I could tell that they were doctor and nurses at first glance. My brother and that man were removed from my view.

"Takahashi-san, I am your doctor, Dr. Hanada. Do you feel any pain anywhere?" The doctor asked me after inspecting me here and there with the aid of the two nurses. I tried to move my fingers and wiggle my toes. Then I tried to lift my arm. The movement was sluggish but no pain was felt. I then tried to shake my head but my head was heavier than any part of my body.

"No. But I ache all over and there is a slight headache…" I mumbled with great difficulty. My voice rasped hoarsely as my throat and my lips cracked. At the mention of headache, an immediate dizzy spell washed over me. I closed my eyes to stop the spinning before opening my eyes again. The doctor said something that I did not properly registered in my brain since I was still in a daze after the short faint wave. He then checked the equipments around me. Now that I noticed, there was an IV drip attached to my left arm and some wires attached to my chest and left wrist.

"Doctor, what happened to me?" I whispered. Talking aloud made my throat burn due to lack of water. It felt as if I was in a desert without drinking for days though my body did not feel dehydrated. A nurse then raised my bed to a half sitting, half lying position, giving me a better view of the room. It was a single bed room with a window and a comfortable looking sofa. On a desk beside the sofa was a basket of fruits and a vase with roses in it. It was a rose I recognize for some reasons I could not remember. It was Baby Romantica.

"We'll talk about that later. Now you need more rest." He bowed and gave me a smile before exiting the room.

"Misaki!" My brother burst into the room right after the doctor left. He blurted out a lot of things but many did not really enter my mind. I did not know why but my mind was on the man with deep purple eyes and dull gray hair. I only managed to catch a few words like 'so worried about you', 'gave us a heart attack' and 'been sleeping for long'. Finally, my dense brother noticed that I was not paying attention.

"Anyway, I'm glad you are alright." He smiled. I returned the smile warmly and asked for some water. After relieving my parched dry throat, I couldn't help my eyes from straying from my brother's face, looking around for that man. As if he could sense that I was looking for him, he came through the door. I could feel my face broke into a smile. I wonder why. Without realizing it, my lips moved on their own accord.

"Are you Usagi-san?"

……**.**

**Oh yeah! Cliffy! I'm bad. I'm turning real bad. Haha… Don't worry. I'll update real fast. How about let's say a week? Or maybe New Year? I think New Year is a good timing. New Year, new chapter! New year it is then!**

**Now, my presents please! Oops! I mean, review please!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	3. Usagisan: Shocked

**Wee! Updates! Thank you so much for all the reviews and birthday wishes! I love you guys! As a reward, this is my new year present for you guys!**

**Usagi-san: Shocked**

One minute, I was over the moon as I saw my most important person smile back at me. It was his usual warm smile, the smile I love most. I was so relieved that he had finally awakened from his long slumber. How happy I was to see those emerald orbs staring back at mine. It vanished almost instantly into thin air when he said those three words.

"Are you Usagi-san?"

I did not know what words could describe my feelings at that moment. Those words were repeating themselves like a broken record over and over again in my head. Takahiro stopped his blabbering at once.

"Misaki, who am I?" Takahiro grabbed his beloved brother by the shoulder and asked, worries laced heavily in his question.

"Takahashi Takahiro, my onii-chan." He blinked a few times before speaking. He had the cute confused expression that I had looked forward to see once again after for so long but it did not bring me the joy or happiness that I had expected. He turned his bandaged head very slowly to face me directly.

"You haven't answered my question. Are you Usagi-san?" He said. I was speechless. I did not know what should I reply. All I could do was stare back into his forest green eyes, lost for words.

"Of course he is Usagi. Don't you remember? You had been living with him for the past 2 years!" Takahiro butted in after the awkward minute of silence. The boy shook his head slowly and muttered a soft 'no'. His eyes closed and he winced in pain when his head began to hurt. Unaware of what I was doing, I lurched forward, pushing his brother aside. My hands were extended, wanting to caress his face or just do something to soothe the pain.

"Misaki, are you alright?!" Those words formed strongly in my mind but none came out from my mouth. My mouth was open though. I must have looked silly with an opened mouth gaping like a fish. I halted in my movement just before I touch his cheek. I froze in mid action while both the brothers stared at me in surprise and confusion.

……**.**

The silence in the hall was making me more and more impatient. When Misaki's headache worsened, Takahiro quickly pressed the emergency button to call the doctor in. We were asked to leave the room once again. I bit my lips in frustration and resumed my pacing as Takahiro slumped on the bench outside Misaki's room. Finally, the doctor came out from his room.

"I had given him some medicines for now. You should let him rest for awhile." The doctor told us. Takahiro bowed thankfully to the doctor as we watched the man wearing the white coat walk away. We made no attempt to enter the room once again, following the doctor's instruction to let him rest. The silence once again surrounded us.

"Usagi, I've been thinking about this once Misaki got into the accident. I think I should take Misaki back." Takahiro broke the silence. I felt my heart stopped for a second. The cold hall was as hot as the sun compared to my cold heart. My body went rigid.

"Misaki did not want to be a bother to you and your wife." I stated robotically. We had talked about this almost half year since Misaki came to my house. All I need was to repeat those words once again. The words started typing themselves in my brain like I was typing a script for my novel.

"Yes, I know but I should not leave Misaki alone now. Anyway, he does not remember you. I don't want Misaki to think that we had left him with a stranger." Those words came down to me like a lightning bolt. It was as if someone had just stabbed me in the heart with a thousand knives. It hurt more than that time when I thought I had lost Takahiro for good.

"But I'm not a stranger…" I whispered, horror-struck. All those words that I had prepared in my mind to reply Takahiro's questions were erased in an instant, like someone had just press the close button on a page. I could not think of what to say anymore.

"To Manami and me, you may not be but to Misaki who doesn't remember anything about you, you are," my best friend replied.

"But he did not completely forget about me! He remembers my name! Furthermore, the doctor said that there is a possibility that he may remember! Seeing some familiar things would help in recovering his memories!" I retorted. I tried my best to pull him back but he seemed to be disappearing further and further away from me.

"Usagi, why are you so persistent on keeping Misaki with you? Now that he is injured, his family should care for him!"

'_Why?_'

That word rang loudly in my ears. I was rather surprised by Takahiro's words that kept stabbing me again and again. I never knew he was capable of saying things that would affect me so greatly. Yes, he was dense about people's feelings at certain times but never in my life had I been hurt so deeply by his words except for that time. But then, Misaki was there to comfort me. Or is it harsh only to me? Because he thought that Misaki and I are only friends when we are more than that? Takahiro didn't know about us.

'_Because he loves me!' _That was what I intended to say but I stopped myself before saying those words. Does he still love me? I did not know for sure.

All that I know was that he had forgotten everything about me…

"Yes, why?" Takahiro pushed me for an answer. My normally held high head dropped and I stared at the white tiles of the hospital tiles. Man, I really began to hate white. That was what Misaki's memory is like about me now. White.

"Because I…"

…**....**

**I'm really a bad, naughty writer, aren't I? Haha… Well, sorry about that. It seems like my mischievous side is showing quite often lately. I'll update quick though. That will do, right? Once again, Happy New Year 2010! Let's hope this year would be a good year for Junjou! Hahaha…**

**So, review please! ^_^**

**Twilight Cherry **


	4. Misaki: Suffocated

**I am so sorry for the bad grammars in the previous chapter!! *kneels and beg for forgiveness* Let's hope this is much better. I did not ask anyone to beta though… Would anyone like to beta the following chapters?**

**Misaki: Suffocated**

Two weeks after my awakening, I was finally discharged and pronounced fit to go home. I was completely healed. There was no trace that I had been injured. My brother came alone to bring me home. I was happy to be able to finally get out of this place but deep down in my heart somewhere, I was hoping to see that person, Usagi-san, come to pick me up.

I was told that I had been involved in a hit-and-run accident in front of Usagi-san's apartment. I had been in coma state for about a month after the operation to remove the blood clotted inside my brain. My brother told me that Usagi-san was his classmate in high school and I had lived with him for two years because my brother got married and was transferred to Osaka. He is a famous writer and I do the house chores as payment for the rent. Somehow, I felt as if this information was not wrong but it is not right either. There were huge holes in them. I wanted to ask Usagi-san himself about it but he never came to visit me after the day I woke up from my one month sleep. He had only sent flowers to me. Everyday, I would receive a fresh new bouquet of Baby Romantica roses with no notes or card. However, I knew that they were from him. I never got bored of them. Instead, I loved them, keeping them even when they start to wither and dry. They carried a feeling that was gentle and warm along with another feeling that I was not quite sure of.

"Welcome home, Misaki-kun!" Manami onee-chan welcomed me with open arms. I smiled at her and gave her my reply in return. A happy, warm family. That's what I once think about my brother's new family. But what is this feeling? Just like what I know about Usagi-san from my brother, it was not wrong but it is not right either. This should be home but it doesn't feel like _my_ home at all.

……**.**

One week had passed since I came back to my brother's house to live. The week had been for some reasons, torturously slow. I could not get used to the warm, happy atmosphere of onii-chan's house. I felt as if I was being suffocated by their kindness. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like a bird trapped in a cage, in a foreign place.

"Onii-chan, may I go back home?" I meekly asked at the end of the week, feeling extremely bad for rejecting my brother and his wife's kindness but I was at my limit. I am such an ungrateful person. Constantly, I hear someone calling me from within. It echoed sadly in my mind. It hurt my heart greatly. I was not happy staying here because my mind and soul was completely somewhere else in that huge apartment with that man with silver hair.

"Home? You are home, Misaki." He did not completely understand my request. Sucking in a deep breathe, I tried again.

"I mean, may I go back to Usagi-san's place?" I tried again hopefully.

"But why?! You should live with us, your family! We don't want you to feel like we had left you with a stranger." My brother objected almost instantly when the question finally registered in his mind. I had known from the very start that my brother would say no. After all, he had been looking after me since we lost our parents and became extreme protective over me.

"I'm sorry but if I really had lived with Usagi-san for the last 2 years, he is not a stranger." I tried to persuade him in my nicest way. It was already bad of me to say something so selfish like wanting to leave this house and it would be even worse if I fought with my brother before I leave. I am still not in my top shape anyway. Occasionally, headaches would 'visit' me when I overstrain my brain.

"But you don't remember a thing about him!"

"Maybe for now, but the doctor said my memories would return to me eventually. Please let me go. I don't feel right here. Manami onee-chan and onii-chan are very nice and kind to me but I feel like I don't belong here in this happy family." I tried to explain, fidgeting uncomfortably, hoping that he would understand. But it seemed that my brother did not for his eyes were wide with shock, pain and astonishment. I dropped my gaze to the floor, feeling very sorry for saying such things that hurt my brother.

"Nonsense! What do you mean you do not belong here? We are family!" His voice was filled with worries.

"I'm don't know why but please, onii-chan! Please let me go back…" I begged. I did not know why I wanted to go back to Usagi-san's apartment so badly. All I knew was I needed to go back or I'll destroy this happy family sooner or later with my problems. Anyway, they would be busy soon when the baby arrives and they certainly do not need extra trouble.

"Anata, there's someone looking for Misaki-kun," my sister-in-law broke our little debate. Before she managed to finish, a lady with orange hair in disarray burst in and caught me by the shoulder. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears. I could feel her body trembling through her hands.

"Misaki-kun! Please return to Usami-sensei's side! He is like a pile of useless rubbish now! He won't write a single thing and he won't reach his deadline! Please help me!" She pleaded and sobbed into my shoulder. I knew her, my mind told me. She is Aikawa-san, Usagi-san's editor. She always brings snacks when she came to pick up manuscripts and leave newly published books. I could feel her tears rapidly wetting my clothes. Patting her head to smooth her messy hair, I looked up at my brother with a new determination.

"Onii-chan, Usagi-san needs me. I have to go back. And I think my memories would come back to me faster if I see or do something that I am used to. Anyway, I do not want to be a burden to you. It is about time I take care of myself." I said. I put all my determination into my expression and looked deeply into my brother's eyes. I bit my lips a little when I see conflicts running through his eyes. When my brother sighed in defeat and nodded, I gave him a true smile unlike those that I had forced since I returned to this house.

"Arigatou, onii-chan." I unstuck Aikawa-san from my body and handed her a handkerchief. As she mopped her tears, I hugged my brother gratefully. I felt as if I could breathe once again after being under water for so long. It had been awhile since I last felt so happy that the feeling was a little strange but it was nice. There was another emotion that seemed to grow stronger every passing second. Anticipation. It was as if I could not wait to get back to Usagi-san's apartment. Back to his side.

"Aikawa-san, can you help me pack?"

……**.**

**Well, is it any better? If not, I seriously have to put more effort to find perhaps a few beta readers. But really, I'm just too lazy. So please, if you think my grammar is bad, could you beta it for me? I don't mind if you tell it right to my face because I am aiming to improve my grammar anyway. Who would improve if no one tells them that it is wrong? So, please help me improve! But if you can't say it in a nice way, I advise you not to read my stories. Hahaha… **

**And so, I still like reviews though. ^_^**

**Twilight Cherry**


	5. Usagisan: Empty

**Here's the update! I had it beta-ed! Sorry it took a little long. So, did the grammars and stuff improved?**

**Usagi-san: Empty**

The word 'stranger' echoed hollowly in my brain for the past 2 weeks. Never did I visit him, not even once, after I agreed to let Takahiro take him home. However, everyday, I sent flowers anonymously to his room, until he was discharged. Takahiro asked me to come along to bring Misaki home. I politely declined, stating that I was busy with work, but it was because I feared I would not let him go if I went. I did not want to keep him locked up in my cage now that he doesn't remember. Even before this, I never intended to chain him to myself, though I did want him all for myself. I was so happy when he said that he was living with me because he wanted to. But now, those declarations were nothing more than my own happy memories. All I could do now was hope that he would be happy living with his family.

'_Family…'_

'_Stranger…'_

Even as I walked down the noisy street, the lively chatters did nothing to cover the loud echo of those words in my mind.

……**.**

"Get a grip of yourself, you lousy piece of shit!" I heard as I felt a strong pull on my shirt's collar. I made no effort to lift my head up to look at the person, letting my head fall back. My mind was completely blank. My limbs felt as if they were dead. Even when Aikawa slapped me a few times, the pain only lasted for mere seconds.

"Wake up!" A wet and cold sensation washed over me, surprising me for a while. Only then did I realize that my demon editor had towed me to the bathroom and turned on the shower. It was rather nice sitting there on the floor as the cold water ran over my head. However, it did not lighten my heavy heart nor did it clear my clouded head.

"Now! Move those fingers!" She yelled in my ear. That action blocked the echo for a minute, as my ears rang at her words. It cleared my head ever so slightly. What I saw began to register in my brain once again. I was placed in front of the laptop. When did I come out of the bathroom or got dressed in clean clothes was a blur in my memory. Before I noticed, Aikawa had already plopped my hands on the keyboard and was tapping her feet impatiently, waiting for me to type something.

"Please, sensei! Write something! Anything!" She began to beg. Without noticing, I had been sitting in a daze for half an hour.

"…" I stared at the blank page in my computer. My fingers did not move. I scoured my head for something to type, anything, to just make her go away and leave me in peace. My fingers moved heavily, almost robotically, typing the only thing that was on my mind.

_Misaki_.

My mind turned black as the word 'stranger' rang louder than anything else. I closed my eyes and tried to block the word out but it only rang louder until I shunned it, hiding in the deepest corner of my inner mind.

"…"

I felt the square buttons of the keyboard on my face. Oh, I must have fallen asleep on the computer, I realized. Reluctantly, I sat up, only to find Aikawa gone. I dragged my feet downstairs, tripping a few times and falling face down before reaching my destination, the kitchen. It was a mess, like every other inch of the apartment. The soft patter sounds of his feet were slowly fading from my memory.

……**.**

I missed him. Like he always said, I would end up dead on a street somewhere if he left. Indeed, I was like a living dead. I was rather surprised that I managed to survive until now. As I walked down a street filled with laughing couples, a cigarette stuck between my teeth, I felt a weird, tingling sensation in my eyes. No! I stopped myself from trembling, my mind telling me not to shed a single tear. I would never let anyone see me looking so pathetic, except him. Looking around, I realized that I had wandered to the neighborhood where Takahiro lives.

'_I want to see him.'_ was the only thing in my mind until I became aware that my feet had brought me to the house he was in. My hand reached out to press the doorbell, but just an inch before I pushed the button, I stopped. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? He no longer remembers me. He would not run out and comfort me. He would not come back to me. Emptiness filled every cell in my body, as I glanced into the brightly lit window for a fleet second. He was laughing happily along with Takahiro and his wife. My hand dropped to my side and I dragged my legs, which felt like they were made of lead, away from the house that was emitting a happy and warm aura.

'_Misaki…'_

……**.**

In the house, where the bright lights were shining in the hall, three people were laughing at the joke the older man made. Two were laughing happily from the bottom of their hearts, while the youngest one forced himself to laugh along. However, the couple did not notice that his smile did not reach his eyes. His fake laughter stopped for a second when a voice called his name. It rang with so much pain and sadness. Turning his head to the window swiftly, he saw nothing but the black darkness of the night, dimly lit by a street light that flickered occasionally.

"What is it, Misaki?" His brother asked. He stared a little while longer before turning back to his brother, with the fake smile plastered on his face.

"Nothing," He lied smoothly. His dense brother did not notice anything behind that masked smile on his dear younger brother's face. He excused himself for bed, wishing good night to both his brother and sister-in-law politely. As he laid in the darkness of his room, a strong painful longing slowly build up in his chest. Every thud of his heart was heavy. Clutching the shirt near his heart, he drifted into a fitful sleep. Unconsciously, tears rolled down his cheeks. Only the faint smell of dried Baby Romantica roses gave him solace.

……**.**

**Well, what do you think? Thanks to Dee-san who beta-ed this. *bow down in respect* THANKS A LOT! This scene was before the fourth chapter but since that chapter should be Misaki and I didn't know what to write so I made it a little forward in time.**

**Now, review please!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	6. Misaki: Home

**Hey, guys! Sorry for the long pause. I was rather distracted by other animes and I went for a camp. It was really cool! And then there's enrolment in college… *blabs on* Okay, back to the story! Sorry to keep you guys waiting!**

**Misaki: Home**

As I reached for the knob, a nostalgic feeling washed over me. I got the key back from the nurse the day I was discharged. She told me it was found in my pocket the time I was admitted, after the accident. It sparkled dimly in my palm. I gripped the key strongly in my fist. It sent a warm and comforting surge down my body. Yet, when I pushed the door open, all those touchy emotions vanished instantly into thin air. I felt my forehead creasing into a frown and the heat of anger rising inside me like a boiling pit of magma. My mind was only filled with a single line.

'_Stupid Usagi, I'm so going to kill you!'_

The whole apartment was upside down, like a typhoon had just blown through. Even though I have amnesia, I clearly remembered the last time I exited the door, the house was in tip top shape. Now, it looked exactly like a rat's nest! I couldn't help but feel irritated because I knew that before the unfortunate incident, it was I who cleaned and constantly kept this house neat and tidy. And to say that the person who owns this house earns billions everyday?! It was just unbelievable! That man is really hopeless!

"Misaki-kun?" I turned to shoot an angry glare at the editor. When she cringed away, I quickly apologized.

"It really is a mess, right?" Aikawa-san said, gently patting my shoulder. I sighed. This is going to be a long day cleaning.

"Thank you for bringing me back, Aikawa-san. I guess I better start cleaning right away." I bowed politely to the pretty lady. She replied with a smile and handed me a box of cakes.

"Please DO tell Usami-sensei to finish the manuscript. I need it as soon as possible. Or else…" She trailed off. There was an evil glint in her eyes and some black aura was surrounding her body. This time, I inched away from her. But the demonic aura disappeared and a smile appeared once again on her face.

"Could you pass this to Usami-sensei as well? Thanks!" She gave me a white envelope and turned away. I stood there, watching her back as she went. Then, I turned to look into the house once again. As I had predicted, the state of the house made me gritted my teeth once again. I braced myself and stepped into it. Placing the envelope on the table, I looked around. There was a bear sitting on the sofa.

'_Suzuki-san!'_

I hugged the huge teddy bear. The sofa and the table were the only clean area in the whole apartment. Sighing loudly again, I placed the bear down and rolled up my sleeves. Time to get to work while the sun is still up! Though this place was practically inhabitable, it gave me safe feeling that warmed me from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes. All the tension, built up for the past week at my brother's place, slowly unreeled like a ball of yarn. I was home.

I started with the kitchen, the most seriously 'damaged' spot. The kitchen was splattered with eggs and the floor was covered with upturned pots and pans. On the counter, there was a half broken glass with dried-up black liquid, most probably coffee. I remembered seeing something similar before. It was around my 19th birthday. We came back from a trip to Hokkaido. It was a birthday gift from Usagi-san but in the end, he had the most fun. I also remembered that it was because I left him for a week to visit my brother at Osaka. It was rather a surprise that he did not blow the apartment up now that I had left him for nearly two months. Cleaning up the broken glass, I smiled as the memory of me yelling at Usagi-san for using non-heat resistant glasses to pour hot coffee into returned to me. Recalling that he once hurt himself from the broken glass, I felt a twinge of worry blooming in my chest, hoping that he was not hurt this time as well.

Once I was done scrubbing the kitchen, I switched to laundries, seeing that there were so many dirty clothes strewn around the house. Gathering them all, it came to a mountain of dirty pile. Putting the first load to wash, I went upstairs to check if there are any more laundries. The first room I entered was most probably his work room. There were rows and rows of bookshelves with a table at a corner. A laptop was sitting on the table, its page blank. The floor was covered with stacks of books. There was also a sofa with a few clothes and a towel draped over it. I had to find my way through the maze of books before reaching the dirty clothes. Picking them up, I put them by the stairs and went on to the second room.

This room was occupied by a train model, chugging quietly around the room. A few bears sat among the tracks. I laughed quietly at his childishness. The third room was filled another model of the Great Wall and a couple of bears too. In another room, a few tanks of marimo were set near the window. Those algae balls were bought during that trip to Hokkaido too. He had claimed that they were the fairy of the lakes. I laughed to myself again. Next to the algae tanks, a tank that looked rather empty caught my sight. I blinked, as I knew there was supposed to be some kind of weird thing living there. Something long and black.

The eels!

I rushed forward and opened the tank's cover. Indeed, with their bellies showing, two black eels floated lifelessly. Their eyes were crossed. Quickly, I threw in food to the poor starved creatures. Aikawa-san might have fed them a few times for them to survive until now. A vein popped up.

"Stupid Usagi!" Muttering to myself, I watched the long, slimy creatures gobbled up the food pellets, "Don't buy things when you don't look after them…"

The fourth room was his bedroom. I knew what was in it before I went in. When the door was opened, it revealed a toy paradise. There was a large bed in the middle surrounded with toys of all kinds. The bed was unmade. The sheets were tangled along with a few clothes too. Straightening the blankets and pillows, I gasped and dropped the dirty laundries I had just picked up when a stabbing pain hit my head. My visions blurred a little as I massaged my head a little. A hazy memory came back to me when my head was still aching. It was a memory of the first time I entered this room. I was angry at something and had burst into this room, shouting at Usagi-san. I tried to remember the reason that made me mad but it only worsened the headache. When I dropped the attempt of trying to recover my memory, the pain subsided. Sighing, I collected the dirty clothes and went out of the room.

The last room was locked but I did not try to open it, being too distracted by sudden headache. My head felt so heavy and I wobbled to clean the remaining laundries. Hanging the first load and putting in the second load of laundries into the machine, I headed to the storeroom and got the vacuum cleaner out. I was careful to avoid a particular room, the teddy bear room. I knew I would be buried in a teddy bear avalanche if I opened that door.

'_I'll clean that room some day else._' I told myself. As I vacuumed the penthouse, my mind was thinking about the blur memory, trying to recall completely the missing parts. But no matter how hard I tried to search in my mind, I couldn't think why.

"Done!" I exclaimed loudly after folding and putting away the second load of laundries. The sun was already setting. It had been nearly 8 hours since I started cleaning the large apartment. The wall clock told me that it was nearly 7. I cooked a simple dinner out of whatever unspoiled items I could find in the refrigerator and ate in silence, alone. I was dead tired when I cleaned the final plate. As I could not find another bed except for the large bed that was Usagi-san's, I laid my exhausted body down on the long, comfortable sofa, using Suzuki-san's leg as a pillow. Relaxing my mind, I wondered what happened to my bed. I also realized that Usagi-san was not home yet though it was getting late. Where did he go? Did he have his dinner already? A slight feeling of worried grew inside me.

"I wonder if he's alright…" I mumbled to myself. Perhaps that locked room was my room. But why did he lock it then? And what is this loneliness feeling that I'm feeling? As my mind pondered on these questions, my eyelids grew heavier and heavier until they eventually closed. My brain was beginning to slowly shut down too. I wanted to stay up to wait for him to return, ask his the questions and ask for his permission to live here again. But the answers to those questions will have to wait. Now, all I care and knew was I was finally home.

……**.**

**Dee-san seemed to be busy so this is the 'not beta-ed one'. I'll replace the beta-ed one once I received it back. Once again, sorry for the delay! I promise Usagi-san and Misaki would be reunited in the next chapter but that doesn't mean there is going to be sex. I've never written anything of those before though I've seen quite enough and read quite a lot. Maybe I'll try someday but not now. Perhaps in the later chapters…**

**Well? Review please!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	7. Usagisan: Thankful

**I promised the next update to be within the month of April so here it is. Let's cut the crap and get to the story!**

**Usagi-san: Thankful**

I wandered on the street aimlessly from sun rise to sun down. I did not want to go back to that house where Misaki was not there. His presence was also slowly fading from the house as it was getting out of place. However, on the other hand, I could not bear to see anything related to Misaki because it made me want to storm right up to Takahiro's place and grab Misaki back. All my BL novels and our photos together were locked up in his room. Only when I was about to go insane because I missed him so terribly, I would console myself with those pictures. The apartment only made my heart ache for him more and more, so I decided to loiter around the streets instead.

Today, as usual, I was walking lifelessly down the busy street. I ate but the food tasted so bland that I could only force a few spoon down my throat. They often say that the taste of the food that you eat depends on who is your company. I finally see that it was quite true. I missed his cooking. Even the most luxury restaurant's food tasted like chewing rubber. After an unsatisfying dinner, I continued walking alone on the road until all the shops closed down and everyone went home. On the way home, I pondered on how I used to revere the time I lived all alone and yet now, I longed for company. Not any mere company but just him. It had to be him.

Home. I used to think I had a place called home when Misaki was around. Now, it was just a place where I sleep for the night before continuing my wander on the streets. I fumbled with the keys, making no attempt to look for the right one as I was in no hurry to enter this place that had become a strange and distant place to me. Finally, when I heard a click, I sighed and pushed the door open.

"…" I was surprised beyond words. I did not believe my eyes or my nose. I should see rubbish everywhere, smell burnt things and smelly clothes but I did not. Instead, the apartment was clean. No dirty laundries lying around. No food wrappers. Not even a crumb! It was sparkling clean, even in the dark. The clean, fresh smell of newly washed laundries reached my nose. I switched on the light and shook my head a few times to clear this illusion but the mess that I created did not return. Do fairies really exist?

I turned sharply towards the sofa when my ears caught a soft moan. Lying on the red sofa was the person I had thought of for these past weeks. He was sleeping peacefully with an arm over his eyes to block out the light as I froze on the spot. His soft breathing was like a spring breeze to me, bringing me life once again. I had to pinch myself to make sure what I was seeing was real. I felt the ends of my lips lifting slightly. It felt a little weird, like I had forgotten how to smile. I had to blink hard for a few moments before a white letter on the table caught my eyes. It was addressed to me and judging the writing, it was from my editor. I tore the envelope silently so that I would not disturb the sleeping boy.

'_Usami-sensei, I had brought him back. Please send me the manuscript as soon as possible!!! Aikawa'_

The exclamation marks were dotted so vigorously that it nearly punctured the paper. I can imagine how frustrated Aikawa had been when she wrote this note. I sighed. Perhaps I would just use some old materials to create some new things and go on hiatus for awhile because I really could not think of what to write! I was absolutely grateful for what she had done but there was nothing else I could do. Is this what they call a writer's block? All I could do was silently thank her and promised to lessen the overdue work in future.

"Misaki…" I half-heartedly called the boy sleeping so soundly. When he did not respond, I shook him softly on the shoulder. He stirred slightly then returned to deep slumber. I noticed the slightly grayish rings below his closed eyes. He had not been sleeping well, I thought sadly. Gently, I lifted him into my arms and carried him upstairs. He had lost weight. My heart ached momentarily as I thought of that.

'_Oh, the key…'_ I realized that his room was locked only when I stopped in front of his door. I went to my room instead. It was cleaned like every other parts of the house. I guessed he must have done it when I was not home earlier. Placing him on the bed, I tried to stand up straight but my shirt pulled me down. Looking down, I saw that his hands were gripping my clothes tightly. Trying to uncurl his fist because fearing that he might be surprised or frightened to wake up beside a man, the hold on his shirt only tightened further. His knuckles were turning pale for clutching the shirt so strongly but it did not seem to bother the sleeping boy. He was sleeping deeply with a slight smile on his face.

'_I guess it's ok…'_ I thought silently before laying myself on the bed beside him. Arranging him to be more comfortable, I hesitated for a minute before gathering him into my arms. I wanted to hold him tight but I also feared that he would push me away or fear me. I did not want to hurt him or frighten him. He might leave me again. He was like Takahiro once again. A treasure. A jewel that I cherish so much that I did not want to scratch it even a little especially now when he did not remember me. Perhaps our love could be rebuilt but I want to do it in a different way. Not by raping him or pathetic tears.

I did not want to fall asleep, afraid that when I awaken, he would once again be gone. It seemed so unreal, an illusion. But after so many sleepless nights, my body was exhausted.

"Misaki, I love you…" I muttered into his sweet smelling hair before my eyelids fell closed reluctantly. He had returned. That was all that matters now. Tears of gladness wetted my cheeks.

'_God or whoever you are, thank you for leading him back once again to my side…'_

……**.**

**Yay! They reunite! But there wasn't much interaction though. Sorry! Stay tune though. Things MIGHT get more interesting now they are together again. I'm not sure how but I'll try my best to make it interesting!**

**Now, how about you telling me what you think? See that button down there?**

**Twilight Cherry**


	8. Misaki: Scent

**Hi! Here's the next chapter! Read on! **

**Misaki: Scent**

I woke up in a dark room. Though the dark curtains would have blocked out any sunlight, I could tell that it was not yet morning. For a moment, I thought I was back at my brother's house. Anxiety quickened my heartbeat. For some reason, I was scared of being all alone in my room, like a child. Only when I felt something warm surrounding me did I relaxed. My heart calmed to its usual tempo.

Blinking my eyes a few more times to clear of the sleepiness feel, I realized that someone was hugging me. The person was the source of the warmth. I thought I should feel frightened or even shocked to be hugged by someone but the large, strong arms that encircled me made me feel safe and warm. It felt strangely familiar as well. Peering up through my eyelashes, I saw the person that was embracing me.

'_Usagi-san!'_

Well, of course! I scolded myself. This is his house. Of course it would be him. My eyes that had gotten used to the dark saw something that stopped my silly rant to myself. Usagi-san's face. He was sleeping soundly with a small smile on his face but what shocked me were his thin, sunken cheeks and those dark rounds beneath the eye bags. Has he been eating properly? His appearance was so ragged that even a beggar would look better than him. It seems like he had not been sleeping well too. I wondered why.

I felt a smile creeping onto my face as I recalled that he would look like this when he work overnight for days, though it was never as bad as this. My heart clenched painfully as I looked at his peacefully sleeping face. When I thought that I was going to break down from looking at his thin cheekbones, I forced my eyes downwards. Only then I saw that my hands were curled up into first around the front of his shirt. No wonder he was sleeping with me. He must had not been able to free himself from my clutches. I know how tightly I could hold on to someone when I am in deep sleep for fear of losing someone precious again. And he must had mistaken me for Suzuki-san while he slept, therefore hugging me, I thought.

His shirt smelt familiar. As I inhaled that scent deeply, it brought back another memory. I was drunk from eating chocolates containing alcohols. Though I was semi-unconscious, I clearly remembered seeing his shirt. I picked it up and brought it to my nose. It had smelt the same as now. Another flashback followed. This was a dimmer memory. Usagi-san was asleep on top of me. The bed was moving. Oh, it was not the bed. It was the carriage. It was a night train. The smell then was also the same.

As I continued to wonder why he was sleeping on top of me, I frowned slightly when the headache earlier returned again. Thinking of earlier, it reminded me of the state of the house. I kept a note to give a piece of my mind to Usagi-san.

But for now, still tired from the vigorous cleaning earlier, I felt my eyelids dropping once again. I could hear his heartbeat, strong and consistent, a comforting rhythm. His deep breathes blowing the top of my head was ticklish in a nice way. I could feel his large hands on my back. I did not know why but I wanted to reach up to caress his thin cheeks but fearing movements might arouse his slumber, I remained unmoving. Closing my eyes, my grip on his shirt tightened as I inhaled the scent deeply. That familiar scent gushed into my lungs, calming my whole body.

It smelled of shampoo, body soap, cigarettes… and Usagi-san.

……**.**

**There! It's a short chapter so I'll update as soon as possible. Within two weeks. Is that ok? I'm having holiday so I should be able to update quite fast. ^_^**

**Did you like this chapter? Well, tell me what you think.**

**Twilight Cherry**


	9. Usagisan: Angel

**Wee! It's my holiday! I'll update a chapter to celebrate!**

**Usagi-san: Angel**

The slight wriggling movement woke me up. I used to be a heavy sleeper but lately since I had not been sleeping well, even the slightest noise would wake me. I looked down to be captured by a pair of forest green eyes. It was the mesmerizing emerald eyes that I missed so much. A sweet pink color appeared on his face. I smiled. Ah, what a pleasant dream this is.

"Err… Usagi-san?" The voice that sounded like the angels' singing called my name. There was a small shy smile on his face. He continued to squirm.

"Oh!" I released him from my steel cage. Even if it was just a dream, I did not want to frighten him away. All I wished for was for this dream to last; even just a minute longer was fine. He sat up slowly and put some distance between us, his face turning redder and redder every second. I smiled widely at his cute appearance. Ah, this was bliss. An angel sent from heaven after a long time in hell.

"Good morning, Usagi-san." He mumbled, staring hard at the crumpled bed sheets. His tinted pink cheeks were still very obvious.

"Good morning." I replied casually.

"I'm sorry for clinging onto your shirt like a baby yesterday. I was completely knocked out… Sorry for troubling you," He apologized dramatically, embarrassed by his own unaware actions. My hand itched to caress that soft pink cheek of his but I restrained myself, fearing that the illusion would break if I touched it. I shook my head.

"Not at all." I smiled widely at him. He sighed in relieve so softly that if I was not paying my whole attention on him, I would had missed it. As usual, he is afraid of causing anyone trouble. Not that I would mind if he cause me any. I'll be more than glad to accept anything from him even if it is bad. He fidgeted uncomfortably as I continued to stare at him with a silly smile on my face. But that was all I could do. I was so happy that I did not want to disrupt the moment by doing something stupid, though I was smiling like an idiot.

"Ano, Usagi-san? Can I come back here to stay?" He blurted out in a hurry. I blinked for a moment, letting the question fully register in my brain. Ah, how I wished this was true. As he continued to look at me with that adorable yet serious face of his, I smiled and thought of a reply as if he really asked me in reality.

"Of course you can. This is your house." I answered in a matter-of-fact tone. I tried to hide the glee in my voice, making my voice sound rather robotic. Slight worried expression tainted his lovely face. I could read what he was thinking like a book. He must have thought that he would cause me problem because of my strained voice. Hurriedly, I brushed his worries aside with a gentle smile, assuring him that it was totally fine once again, this time in a kinder tone.

"I don't know why but I just have the feeling of saying 'I'm home' though I don't remember much about you." He said. His head hung low like he was sorry for forgetting about me. I wanted to pat his head, tell him everything was alright. However, before I touched his soft chocolate brown hair, I withdrew my hand and let it drop beside me. I reminded myself that I wanted this illusion to last longer. Too familiar actions might also scare him.

"Go ahead then. I don't mind. I guess this is what they call body memory. You may not remember me mentally but your body remembers." It seemed like my words had cheered him up a little. I would say anything, even if it is just in a dream, even if it is not happening, to be able to see him happy. He looked up into my eyes once again with that smile I love so much.

"I'm home." His smile grew wider as the words came out from his lips. His eyes were sparkling with joy.

"Welcome back." I replied. Ah, this is really a fantastic dream. It was too good to be true.

"I am slowly remembering things though. I remembered a little when I was cleaning yesterday." He exclaimed proudly like a kid who had scored perfect scores in his exams. I laughed at his childishness but that was what I love about him. He looked at me in confusion, slightly annoyed for laughing at him. He probably had no idea on what I was laughing at and most probably thought that I was laughing at him because I was taunting him. He pouted cutely. How I wish I could feel those soft lips on mine once again. It was hard restraining every single cell of my body from pouncing on the illusion him, kissing him every single place on that slim, smooth body and making love to him all day.

"It's ok. Take your time remembering." I told him. He nodded and then jumped out of bed. I swung my leg to the side of the bed to get up as well, follow that image of him for as long as possible, but was pushed down before I could properly stand up. I was surprised, both by the solidness of his push as well as his strength. Is this really a dream? And since when did Misaki get so strong? He looked down at me with his hands on his hips. His face was like a mother reprimanding her child for doing something wrong.

"You, stay in bed!" He scolded. I immediately jumped back into the bed and pulled my sheets up. I was slightly shocked by his sudden change of tone. How long had it been since the last time he yelled at me?

"Sleep a little while longer while I make breakfast. You need it." He said softly before going out of the room. I watched his back disappeared from my view, the longing to trail after him aching painfully in my heart. I wanted to get up and pulled him back into my embrace, keeping him in my arms forever but exhaustion was stronger. I laid back as told. I guess the reason his push felt so strong was because I was weak. I had barely eaten anything since his accident, only occasionally mouthfuls that was sufficient for me to keep on living. I exhaled in disappointment as I closed my eyes. I was sure this dream would end once I open my eyes later.

However, even for just for this short moment, it felt like heaven had finally felt some pity for me and sent an angel to rescue me from hell. He was my lovely angel, Misaki.

……**.**

**Well, how was it? Did you like it? They finally meet again! *twirl around in joy* I'll update the next soon enough. IT'S HOLIDAY! ^_^**

**You know what to do. See that button down there that reads 'review this chapter'? Please click on that and tell me what you think! ^_^**

**Twilight Cherry**


	10. Misaki: Who?

**Hahaha… I'm so glad you guys like it! And I'm supposed to 'feed' you guys with this chapter during the holiday according to Noobility. Since when did my story become a food? Hahaha… Well, anyway, here's the next chapter!**

**Misaki: Who?**

As I walked down the stairs, I pondered on both his and my actions earlier. Somehow, I felt like I was not myself neither was he. There was something weird about Usagi-san. He had this silly grin on his look that I could not properly interpret. Was it happiness? Joy? Relief? Bliss? Did he think I was an illusion or something? I knew he was weird but somehow today, he seemed to be weirder than ever. Why did he laugh at me anyway? Did he go crazy when I was not around? That would probably explain the state of the house.

'_Argh! I forgot to scold him about that!'_ I yelled in my mind, smacking my forehead. But the previous ragged state of his immediately wiped of any anger. I felt my heart clenched a little.

And me! Why am I acting like a girl, blushing like that? I certainly felt the heat rising to my cheeks moments ago. Well, yeah, it may be a little embarrassing waking up beside a man but is there something that I should be shy about? Come on, we are both men, right? It's not like any one of us is a woman where she would be embarrassed for being found sleeping with a man even if nothing happened. Well, perhaps a little since we are both adults. Onii-chan used to sleep with until I was twelve. That was because I protested that I was not a child anymore. Maybe sleeping with Usagi-san made me think that I was childish. Perhaps that was why I felt embarrassed. Yet, deep down in me, a little traitorous voice whispered silently.

'_You like being in his arms, right?'_ I could feel blood rushing to my face once again. Why did I feel like this? It was an extreme secure feeling that bloomed like a flower in my heart and still blossoming even now. It was a strange emotion. But I was glad he said that I can come back. I was half worried that he would not allow it. It was rather weird blurting such a question suddenly that I was rather taken aback as well. I was glad when he welcomed me back though. It was warm and comforting. I guess all this awkwardness is because I don't remember things about us. Who was Usagi-san to me? What did we do together? Well, at least it did not feel awkward when I yelled at him so suddenly. It was like my body took control over my mind and it felt natural. I guess I used to scold him a lot before. And like he had said, my body remembered what to do.

My body moved on its own, preparing breakfast as I continued to ponder. As the eggs fried in the pan with a silent sizzling sound, another memory invaded my string of thoughts. Usagi-san was commending that eggs had this yellow feel that was nice. I laughed at the weird memory. He was really a strange person. The next memory that followed was peculiar as well. For some reasons, Usagi-san was trying to cook. He, who was hopeless in cooking, added drinkable yogurt into the omelet he was making! I made a mental note to myself to never, ever to let him enter the kitchen again since that day.

My brows knitted together as I felt that throb that signaled a headache was its way. Rubbing my forehead to soothe the pain, I closed my eyes to stop the spinning. A little headache is not going to make me stop remembering things about me and Usagi-san! I will not lose to this headache! So far, though the memories of him and me were blur and hazy, some weird and doesn't make any sense, they all were nice memories. Perhaps they are related to bad memories but I could not clearly remember them all. The memories were all in parts and bits. Even if they were unpleasant memories, I wanted to remember them all because they are all my memories.

'_He said to take my time but I want my memories back faster…'_ I thought determinedly. I wanted to know who he was to me. A good friend? A brother-like figure? Somehow, none of these fit. Another squeeze in my heart accompanied my headache. Why did I remember everyone else but him? Who is he to me?

…**.**

**Yes, this is a short chapter as well; therefore, there are two updates instead of one in this month! Aren't you glad? Hahaha… Misaki will have more to say in the later chapters… *smirk evilly* Next update will be next week! If I'm 'happy', I might even cut the countdown short! You know what I mean! ^_^ **

**Now now! What are you supposed to do?**

**Twilight Cherry**


	11. Usagisan: Sleep

**I just love you guys! Thanks for the sweet, sweet reviews! Here's the next! And it's the longest of all the chapters so far, I think. Happy?**

**Usagi-san: Sleep**

The dream did not vanish when I woke up. It was real. It was no illusion. He was really back at my side. I was over the moon to see him preparing breakfast cheerfully when I came down. Unable to contain my happiness, I hugged him tightly from behind, buried my face on his shoulder, inhaling his sweet scent deeply. His movement stopped abruptly. I did not care if he did not remember about me or pushed me aside. All I wanted at that moment was to feel him in my arms.

"Ano, Usagi-san?" He asked questioningly. He did not have any idea of what was going on. He twitched uncomfortably.

"Please, just let me stay like this for a moment…" I whispered. I thought he would protest and shove me aside, yelling at me for treating him like a teddy bear but to my astonishment, he stood still and relaxed in my embrace. I was so happy that I could really cry out as I savored the feeling of having him back. Not totally but at least he was by my side once again. I did not notice the cooling liquid that was trailing down my face. Even if I did, I did not mind. He was the only one I would show my tears to. I would only allow him to see my pathetic face.

…**.**

Life was returning so a quite normal pace after he returned though it was just a mere two days. My meals were taken care of and it was blissful to just watch him running up and down in the house. Occasionally, I would still think that this was just a pleasant dream.

"Usagi-san?" He would suddenly call my name, so sweetly that I thought I would melt into a puddle any second.

"Yes, Misaki?" I would stop anything I was doing, not that I was doing anything important. Nothing was more important than Misaki, which I knew from the very start. After nearly losing him, I valued him even more than ever. He was my life. Without him, there was no point of living.

"Don't you have work to do? I thought onii-chan said that you were an author… And I am quite certain Aikawa-san is your manager, right?" He asked innocently, tilting his head ever so slightly. His hand that was working on chopping the vegetables slowed down a little.

"Yes, I am. And yes, Aikawa is my manager. Why?" I answered him. I could see a vein popping up on his forehead. Confused, I wondered what was making him mad.

"Is that so? And why are you lazing around, doing nothing?" I could hear anger boiling in his tone and he was practically hissing those words out of gritted teeth.

"Who knows…" I replied, smiling widely. His fist on the chopping knife tightened.

"Don't think that I have lost my memories of you completely, you lazy bum! I do remember that you are a real slacker and always cause Aikawa-san to chase after you for your next updates, dragging me into trouble along the way! When is your next deadline?" He finally burst out. His eyes were glaring at me but I could not help grinning even wider at his cute expression when he was angry. Why in the world must he remember that instead of remembering those happier times we had together? Oh well, I couldn't say that missing my deadlines were all bad experience. Some led to quite a nice time, like that date. I sighed quietly as I reminisced those times before answering his question. He was already red with fury and I was rather scared by the knife in his hand.

"Don't worry. I'm currently on hiatus." His expression turned into one of a surprise before a soft 'Oh' emitted from his mouth. He looked back at the vegetable he was cutting and very seriously continued to slice it into neat little pieces but his slight blush did not escape my eyes. He was obviously embarrassed for accusing me for the wrong reason. Not that I mind.

Thus was our life these two days. It was filled with questions and uncertainties that he asked; mainly about those things that he had forgot and could not remember completely. I never revealed our former relationship, answering only what was sufficient. I did not open his room either. For the past two days, he had been sleeping in my room while I bunked out on the sofa, not taking the risk of letting him see what was hidden in his room. The key to his lost memories, the happy times we had together, all my BL novels and our pictures together were kept in that room. It was painful that he did not know we were lovers before but it was more than enough having him just by my side now. I shall not force him to love me like before. I will let realize it himself. What's more, it might be too shocking for him and I don't think it would be a good thing on him, both mental and physical now that he already had amnesia. Until then, I will continue loving him in my heart. Silently…

My sleeps were returning back to normal too, like how it used to be. It became easier to fall asleep, deep, untroubled sleeps. Just like my life. But it was not that deep sleep as it was not that comfortable in the sofa. I doubt the bed would be much more comfy without him though. Therefore, I conclude that no place would be fit to sleep unless it was with him. I snickered at that weird conclusion as I stared at the dark ceiling of the hall. Everything was silent. I could hear the silent ticking of the wall clock. I imagined his small figure curled up in my large bed like a cat, sound asleep, breathing ever so softly. That picture was so real that I felt a sudden urge to go peep whether he was really sleeping in such a way. However, I stopped myself from getting up and going upstairs. If I really saw him in bed, all unguarded and vulnerable, I might just pounce on him and ravish him.

_Crash!_

I sprang up instantly from the sofa at the sound of glass breaking from the kitchen. I rushed towards the noise, turning on the light on the way there. On the kitchen floor, I found him kneeling, picking up fragments of a broken glass. There was a splotch of clear liquid around the glass, most probably water. I cursed myself for getting too absorbed in my fantasies and did not notice him coming downstairs. He must have not wanted to turn on the lights in case they woke me up.

"Misaki!" He jumped at my voice. Turning to look at me, I was shocked by his large emerald eyes. They were filled with pure fear.

"U-Usagi-san…" His voice trembled along with his body. His lean figure was shaking so much that he looked exactly like a cat that had been left out in the rain instead of that curled up, content cat I had imagined.

"I-I'm sorry for causing the commotion. I-I'll clean this up instantly." He quickly turned his attention back towards the mess. I tried to stop him but it was too late. His pale, dainty fingers sprouted rose red droplets as they got cut by the sharp pieces of the silicon.

"Misaki!" I called out in worry, quickly grabbing his hand to prevent it from touching those harmful things again. He gasped in shock as the pain finally reached his brain receptors before returning his gaze to me; his eyes were brimming with tears, making them look like pools of molten emeralds. He did not move anymore, staring at me with lines of tears staining his cheek. He knelt there like a statue, terrified.

"What's wrong, Misaki?" I grabbed his shoulder as he went limp in my arms. He did not answer but continued to cry quietly. I picked him up and carried him to the room, grabbing the first aid kit on the way. After I laid him of the bed, I proceed to clean his wound, occasionally looking at him but his expression remained unchanged. It was blank but his huge round eyes were clouded with terror. The previous tears had dried up.

"Misaki…" I murmured softly. There was no reaction or change in his expression. Gently, I brushed his brown bangs away from his forehead and continued to pat his head to comfort him. My heart was squeezing painfully. What happened? Did he remember something unpleasant? When his eyelids finally dropped, I sighed in relief. I got up from the bed to return to my temporary bed but he suddenly hugged me in the middle.

"No… Don't leave me alone… Stay with me… P-Please, will you sleep here tonight?" He mumbled into my shirt. My eyes went wide. Wait, I halted myself. He did not mean anything else except wanting some company. I could feel the fabric of my shirt sticking to my body as it went damp. Returning the embrace, I stroke his soft chocolate hair again. "I had a bad dream…"

"It's ok. I'm not going anywhere." I assured him. I wonder what bad dream was it to shake him up so much. Perhaps it was a dream of his parents' death or perhaps the flashback of his own accident. Whatever it was, I must not cause him to be more frightened than he was now. His tensed up body seemed to relax a little when he as I repeated my words a few more times. I laid him back onto the bed. His eyes were closed already, silver droplets still coursing down his face. I lowered myself by his side, looking at him as his breathing calmed.

"Usagi-san…" He muttered without opening his eyes. I smiled. He was talking in his sleep and he was calling my name. When I was sure he was in deep sleep, I gently gathered him in my arms brushed my lips across his forehead, before drifting into sleep myself.

'_Sweet dreams…'_

…**.**

**Oh well, sweet dreams everyone! Now, I'm going to sleep! *yawn* May all of you dream of yaoi goodness! I know I had been. ^_^**

**By the way, I received a review saying that my time line is a bit off. Well, to clear things off for those of you who doesn't get it, here's a summary of the things that happened. Sorry for the confusion! *bows dramatically***

**1****st**** – The day Misaki got into accident/hospitalized**

**2****nd**** & 3****rd**** – A month after accident/awakening**

**4****th**** – Starting is two weeks after awakening/discharge, Following section is one week after discharge/Leaving Takahiro's house**

**5****th**** – First section is within the two weeks of Misaki's awakening, Following section is during that one week Misaki was in Takahiro's house**

**6****th**** & 7****th**** – The day Misaki came back which is the day he left Takahiro's house (Approximately one month and three weeks since accident)**

**8****th**** – In the middle of the night the day Misaki came back**

**9****th**** & 10****th**** – The next morning after the day Misaki came back**

**And for this chapter, it started with the same morning as 9****th**** & 10****th**** chapter, followed by two days after.**

**Next chapter would be one week after Misaki came home!**

**There! Is it clear now? I'm so very sorry for confusing you readers! *bang head at wall***

**Oh, before I forget, please? *puppy eyes* **

**Finally, I can go to bed! *crash in bed***

**Twilight Cherry**


	12. Misaki: Memories

**Hello everyone! Can someone shoot me in the head please? I can't believe I completely forgot about Sakurai-sama's birthday! *bang head on the wall* For your information, his birthday was on the 13****th**** of June, which was the day I updated the previous chapter! When I checked the calendar a few days later only did I notice! T_T What a failure for a fan. Actually, I've been forgetting a number of birthdays lately. *bang head on wall again*So, here, I'll wish him. Happy Belated Birthday, Sakurai-sama! (It seems fitting since this is a Misaki chapter. Hehehe…) Those who don't know who is Sakurai-sama, I'LL THROW YOU INTO SHINJUKU BAY TIED TO A ROCK! Okay, enough of me ranting! Foods here! (specially to noobility) Thanks for the sweets, Miyayu-chan! And thanks for all the reviews! I hope I did not miss out replying except for those who review anonymously.**

**Misaki: Memories**

Days in Usagi-san's house were indeed joyful though lots of weird and peculiar stuffs happened. Often, I find myself smiling at myself for his silliness. Deep down, I knew about his wacky personality but it still amuse me for the second time. Embarrassingly enough, now, Usagi-san sleeps with me every night ever since that unpleasant nightmare. I'll refrain from talking about it as it still frights me. I wonder why though.

Currently, a week after I came back, I'm in the kitchen, I would proudly say 'MY TERRITORY! (No silly bunnies allowed)', cooking breakfast. I had gotten quite good at sneaking out of the room without waking him up. He seriously needs his sleeps. The black circles under his eyes were disappearing quite quickly but bunking on sofas for two nights would not allow him to sleep comfortably too. But no matter how quietly I got out of bed, he would always be awake before I could completely finish cooking breakfast. It was as if he had a 'Misaki is missing!' radar in his head or something similar. He might not notice it himself but I could see that he still fears I would vanish someday.

'_Stay with me…' _

'_Huh? What was that?'_ I thought. It was Usagi-san's voice from my lost collection of history about him. Quickly, I grabbed on to that piece of memory, hoping more would come to my mind.

'_What? What's with you? I'm already here!' _The 'me' in the past had said. He had looked at me so solemnly yet so gently and replied.

'_I know that. But I want you here forever. Ever since I started living with you, I've realized how happy it makes me. I'm so used to it, I'm afraid of being alone.'_ He told me that then. Did I promise him that? I searched my brain for the answer but I came to a blank wall. Not giving up, I continued to wreck my brain, part of me fearing that if I really had promise him so, how horrible it must had been to him when I was away. It would be as if I had broken the promise.

"Argh!" I staggered as the sharp, stabbing pain flicked so suddenly at my head. I was forced to squat on the floor as the echoing pain made me dizzy. This always happens when I force myself to remember what happened in the past. I gritted my teeth as I waited for the discomfort to settle.

"Good morn- Misaki, what's the matter?" Ah, damn! Usagi-san is down already. I saw his large hand in front of my face, offering to help me up. Lifting my head to look at him, the slight movement made my head giddy again, blurring the image of his face. I blink a few times to focus and was finally relieved when my sight came back.

"Are you alright, Misaki?" I could hear concern in his words. It was nice having someone worry over you, but for some reasons, having Usagi-san to fret over me made me just pure happy.

'_Wait! I don't want to cause trouble for him!' _I scolded myself. Smiling to reassure him, I told him I was fine. However, my body deliberately betrayed my words by wobbling ever so slightly when I stood. I gasped in shock as my vision went black, grabbing onto anything that was within hand reach to steady myself but it was unnecessary. Usagi-san's strong hand held my shoulder, safe and firm.

"Misaki, don't ever lie to me." He said sternly but his eyes were still flickering anxiously. I tried to look into his eyes but I could not prevent the guiltiness from my expression. I was never good at lying and it was somewhat harder to lie to him.

"I'm fine, really… Just remembered something from the past." I muttered, dropping my gaze to the floor. I could not look at his sad eyes any longer. My mind was still pondering on that particular memory. Did I promise him that?

"What was it about?" He asked, trying to get things off my mind, I supposed.

"Usagi-san's family… You were telling me about your family, that you don't go well with them…" This time, the words stumbled out naturally. My heart weighed slightly heavier when he remained silent but I didn't mean any harm. Well, I hope. I just don't want him to worry, more than he should already. I could tell that every time when I regained my memory and suffer from that annoying headache, he agonized over it.

'_It was not even his fault! He should not suffer for my share as well…'_ I clenched my fist, wondering how to lessen this torture for both of us. But, it was Usagi-san who managed to pull us out of this misery.

"Let's eat out tonight!" He exclaimed suddenly, changing the subject. I just nodded silently. Was he trying to separate me away from this house because it reminds me of lots of things, especially those I had forgotten? Anyway, I was quite grateful. Both of us need a break from this memory recalling business.

…**.**

And so, we sat at a corner in a fancy, high class restaurant, specially reserved by Usagi-san, away from the other customers. I fidgeted nervously in my suit. I knew it was not my first time wearing a suit but I still felt out of place. Sitting calmly across me, Usagi-san held the wine glass gracefully between his long fingers and sipped occasionally at the red liquid swirling inside it. When his eyes lifted to gaze directly into mine, I positively felt that my heart skipped a beat. Hastily, I picked up the glass in front of me and took a sip as well. He smiled a little as I blushed. I knew he was laughing at me as he finds my actions amusing. I wanted to yell at him for laughing but on the other hand, I was glad he finally smiled again. He was not too happy when I collapsed today at home, no scratched that. He always had this upset look whenever I remembered something.

'_Why?'_ I wondered. Is it because I am remembering things too slowly? But he had said to take my time. Is it because I am recalling things that I should not remember or best not to remember? I told him every memory I recovered. They all seemed to be nice memories though. So what is it?

"Enjoy your dinner." The waiter placed a platter of food in front of me, breaking my strings of thoughts. I blinked a few times at the food before looking at Usagi-san. He gave me an encouraging smile before picking up his own cutleries and started to eat. Copying his movements, I cut the meat into bite sized before spearing it into my mouth.

"This is delicious! What is this?" I exclaimed. The meat was succulent and its sweet, sour and salty taste mingled together nicely. Usagi-san did not reply but cut a huge piece of his meat and placed it on my plate.

"Eat up." He said softly. I opened my mouth to protest but I stopped before the words came out. My eyes opened slightly wider than usual. He had done this before too. It was at another fancy restaurant. I felt the atmosphere during the time returning the present. It was a heart warming feeling that wrapped me up nicely. My heartbeats increased steadily as I felt my cheeks flaming up. What is this feeling?

"Misaki? Can I ask you something?" He asked when we were both almost done eating. The silence between us was rather awkward but I think he find my red face throughout the meal rather entertaining. I perked up immediately.

"Sure. Anything!" I replied. Yeah, anything you want! I did not know why but all I knew was I wanted to please this man, just to make him smile, make him happy.

"Do you remember seeing the driver who knocked you?" I was rather shocked by the sudden question. Come to think of it, I never really thought of the details about the accident. I was so occupied trying to remember my lost memories that I did not even bother to think about anything else.

'_Did I saw the driver?'_ I questioned myself silently. A blur image of a car rushing at me entered my mind. Then it was black. Realizing that Usagi-san was staring intently at me, I shook my head. His face returned into a frown.

"Ano, Usagi-san, I don't really mind who-" I was cut off in middle sentence when a man with messy brown hair flumped himself heavily on our table.

"Well, well, what a coincidence! Fancy meeting you here, Akihiko!" The man said. His words were slurred and thickly accented. I presumed he was drunk. I remembered who he was. He is the company director of the publishing company that Usagi-san sends his works to, Isaka-san.

"Hey, chibi-tan is here as well! I heard from Aikawa that you got into an accident and lost all your memories about Akihiko here! Since you don't remember him, can I take him as mine?" I felt pressure on my lips as I bit hard on them. I did not know why I was totally annoyed when he said that. Usagi-san's eyes were down but he got up and pushed Isaka-san towards the wall, pinning him at the neck. No words came out from his mouth but he was shaking with anger. The scene was familiar again. It was like déjà vu.

"Misaki?" Usagi-san's voice that called me sounded distant. My head was already starting to spin as a memory of the past invaded my mind. It was at the other fancy restaurant I remembered. Isaka-san had barged into our dinner as well, except for that time, he was talking about when Usagi-san was young. For some reasons, I was extremely pissed off and upset. As I tried hard to remember why, I unconsciously gripped the table cloth, pulling it hard as the sharp stab pierced my mind. The wine glasses that fell off to the floor smashed with a ringing sound, the sharp echo in my head making me dizzier every passing second.

"Misaki!" Usagi-san's warm voice soothed the headache momentarily but my head was already numb. I faintly felt his warm arms circling around me and I felt the cold floor underneath my bottom. I must have fallen down from my chair. As I felt my ear pressed against his strong chest when he embraced me, the steady heartbeat of his, louder than anything else, calmed me. My tight grip on his shoulder, an action I was totally unaware of, loosened and fell to his side limply. Breathing heavily, I frantically tried to grab the memory that was slipping away. I was in the middle state of dream and reality when he carried me and walked out of the restaurant, leaving Isaka-san held by the collar like a dog by his secretary.

…**.**

"Let me down!" I shouted as I came back to my senses. We were at the top floor of the apartment. To prevent from dropping me since I was struggling hard, Usagi-san put me down back on my two feet. My head was still throbbing with the previous headache but my mind was a lot clearer after resting for sometime in the car. I saw that we were in front of Usagi-san's room. As mentioned earlier, I had slept here for the past week because Usagi-san refused to open my previous room. It was another suspicious action that I constantly ponder on. Well, as well as the fear of being alone with it.

"Misaki, you need to rest." He forced me through the door but I stood firmly, planting my feet onto the floor. I was irritated not by Isaka-san but him.

"Why didn't you let me stay? Perhaps a little longer, I could remember more! I was remembering something!" I snapped at him. I wanted to resist him when he carried me away from the restaurant but I was too weak. My head was practically floating in clouds and my body was jelly.

"But you were in pain…" He muttered quietly.

"I wanted to remember!" I yelled angrily.

"If you have to be in pain to remember the memories, I'd rather you forget about it! It doesn't matter anyway…" He said that last sentence in a tone that was so heavily laced with sadness that it cut my heart into pieces. His eyes were filled with hurt.

"They are my precious memories! I want to remember! You and onii-chan wouldn't tell me more so I'll remember on my own! I don't want to see that sadness and that loneliness in your eyes! I know it's because I don't remember. There was something between us before I forget. I want to know! I want to know why you always have that sorrowful, blank expression on your face! It wasn't like this before!" I shouted, my voice rising with every word. When I finally finished with my burst out, I was panting for breathe, feeling very light headed. My chest hurt slightly. Yes, from my memory, I could tell he wasn't like this before. His amethyst eyes were warm and kind before this.

"…" He remained silent, that upset expression on not only his face but his whole body. It was as if he was being guilty. It was as if he felt my pain every time I remember something. As if it was his fault for my memory lost.

'_He was blaming himself for my accident!'_ I suddenly realized.

'_I'm sorry for raising my voice, Usagi-san… It's not your fault because I don't remember. I should not vent my anger at you.'_ I wanted to say but the words didn't come out. I felt so ashamed of myself. I was so insensitive. I did not think of how he would feel.

"…" My mouth was gaping like a fish out of water but no voice came out. I wanted to apologize but I couldn't. Usagi-san smiled down at me kindly. His amethyst eyes were filled brimming full with bitterness and emptiness but they were also filled with kindness and warmth. I felt the presence of his hand hovering above my head but they did not touch my hair. It was exactly the same the morning after the day I first came back. The fear of touching me. His hand dropped to his side as he turned to walk away. There was a shadow of guilt and loneliness that trailed before his body.

"I'm sorry…" That low whisper was nearly gone unnoticed but it awakened me instantly. Immediately, my body launched forward towards him and I caught his hand. That large, cool, comforting hand of his.

…**.**

**That's it for this chapter! I have not a single idea when I'm going to update the next chapter. It turned out to be longer than the previous chapter, now that I look at it, though I left it in a cliff. You know, I shouldn't be doing this now. I should be doing my (stupid) project and studying for next week's exam. But, yet, I'm doing it for you! How noble am I! Be grateful! Muahaha! *got hit by fans* Sorry! Gone crazy there a little. Guess the stress getting to me.**

**Question: Does anyone know when Hanada-sama's birthday is? Again, those who don't know Hanada-sama, I am totally speechless.**

**As usual, my feedbacks please! *bow gratefully***

**Twilight Cherry**


	13. Usagisan: Sorry

**Woots, people! My exams over! And I did badly! (Like I care) Well, maybe not too bad. It should be enough to pass. ^_^ I can predict my results quite accurately. More precisely, I don't do my best in exams. Don't ask me why, I don't know the answer. Hahaha… And so, here's the next update! Big thanks to Cheyanne-san for beta-ing it! Love you, muacks!**

**Usagi-san: Sorry**

I didn't realize that he treasured the memories so much. All I wanted was for him to be happy and to protect him from hurt. But it was I who was upsetting him. He was doing this for me. I did not even realize that he could see that sadness and loneliness I was feeling. I used to be so good at concealing all my emotions, hiding them away, but somehow, he always was able to see through my facade. Just like that time when I was hiding my trembling. He saw me through like a glass.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered guilty as I walked away. If I was the one who was making him suffer, I would disappear from his sight. I'd do anything to keep him away from harm. Hurting him was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

"Usagi-san!" His small hands caught mine as he crashed into my back. His warmth seeped through my back to my heart, melting the ice around it once again. My resolved trembled. Only he alone could make my feelings waver like this. A moment ago, I wanted to vanish into thin air because I was the cause of his pain and sadness but now I want to hold onto him forever, never letting him go. I turned and gathered him into my arms, hugging him tight. I could never leave him. He was just too important to me.

"I'm sorry too, Usagi-san. I know you're worried as well." He mumbled into my chest. He lifted my hand and placed it on top of his head, asking wordlessly for me to ruffle his hair like I used to do. I was more than glad to do as he wanted, feeling his soft brown hair between my fingers. Ah, how long had it been since I felt this velvety, smooth hair under my hand?

"Misaki…" I uttered his name quietly as I felt my shirt slowly getting damp. The hand that was rubbing his head gently slide down to his cheek then to his shoulder to detach him from my chest but instead, he put more weight as he continued to plaster his face closer my heart. I did not force him away after that, not that I want to anyway. After a few minutes of silence, he sank lower until he fell to his knees. Worried, I dropped to my knees as well to support him. He flung his arms heavily around my neck, resting his head on my shoulder. That action caught me by surprise. I froze as I let him clung onto me.

"It's not your fault…" He whispered before his arms fell lifelessly down my back. I carried him up gently in my arms in bridal style. His eyes were closed with tear stains down his cheek. Placing him on the bed, I wiped them off with my fingers and brushed his messy bangs aside. Totally convinced that he was asleep, I hesitated a minute before kissing him softly on his forehead. As I tried to pull away, his hands circled around my neck and pulled me down.

"Don't go… Stay with me…" He begged without opening his eyes. He was awake? Squeezing his hand gently, I assured him I was not going anywhere. I noticed that ever since that nightmare he had, my little angel had been really nervous whenever he slept alone. Slowly, I rested my head on his thin chest since that was the only thing I could do now, being locked in the circle formed by his arms. I was more than content. He emitted a soft sigh when my head touched his body. A droplet or two squeezed out of my eyes as I listened to his breathing, calm and consistent. I was so happy, so grateful, that even after he had lost his memories of me, he still came back to me.

"Misaki?" I called softly, wondering if this time, he was really asleep yet.

"Hn?" My angel replied quietly without opening his eyes.

"Y-You really want your memories back?" I hesitated on my own question. Did I really want him to remember me that badly despite the pain he had suffered each time? But it was too late to pull back the words. All I could hope that he was already too out of it to hear me properly.

"Mmm…" I heard the soft mumble. "I want them back…"

"I'll help you regain them…" I was not thinking straight already when I offered. His desire for his memories had affected me, I concluded. It was making me want him to remember as well. My heart, though, clenched painfully when I imagined the agony he would undergo while he remember. Mentally, I hit myself hard for my own selfishness.

"Thank you…" He muttered gratefully. My heart softened a little at his words.

"I have a deal." I quickly added but in real, I did not really have one in mind. I just wanted to create a bond, a link, to hold onto him. Perhaps I could share his pain, even if it's just a little. I will not let him bear the hardship alone. If he suffered, I'll suffer along with him. I'll think of something, I told myself.

"Ok… I am sure… I would remember everything eventually… so don't give up on me yet…" His words were so slurred and quiet that I knew he was already asleep when he ended. Give up on him? What did that mean? Did it mean he was asking me to continue loving him? But what I wondered was did he knew what he was saying or was he perhaps drunk by the alcohol or dizzy with a headache and he was just babbling now? Deep down, I hope he was aware of what he was doing but now, comfortably sleeping on his rising and falling chest, I was lulled into slumber by his soft, calming heartbeat.

…**.**

**Yep, a short chapter! What do you expect? I just finished my exam! Stressed! Hahaha… Not really. I'm really a happy-go-lucky person. Overly optimistic. Some might call it idiocy though. Hahaha… But I can get really depressed sometimes, so… *wonders on their words***

**Now, now, review please! **

**Twilight Cherry**


	14. Misaki: Deal

**Yep, I did badly enough. Haha… No fails though. Only one paper was good which was Math! Hahaha… I'm good at numbers! Sorry, it took a little longer. I was sick and my beta was away for a moment. Still, she came back for me in the end! *touched* Ok, let's get on to the story! Thanks to Cheyanne-chan for beta-ing again! I heart you!**

**Misaki: Deal**

For some reason, I found myself in the middle of a foreign country called England, surrounded by foreign people, and beside me was a man whom I had completely forgotten except for his name. He was no other than the extreme, supreme, winner of the Naomori and Kikukawa award, the great Usami-sensei, also known as Usagi-san to me. I could not help but feel awed by the thought I was in another country. It was my very first time traveling by plane and what's more, to such a far away place. However, I also could not help but feel that slight vein that was popping up on my forehead.

"Great Usami-sensei, may I ask, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?" I yelled at that man who was sitting so relaxed in the driver's seat of a red convertible, grinning foolishly at me. My mind started to calculate the amount of money he had spent for the air tickets, not to mention that the seats were first class, the hotel we had just checked in to, a luxurious five star hotel with a lion head at its bath tub, and the fancy sports car he had rented now to go touring around. My eyes went round and spinning as I roughly estimated the numbers.

"You said once that you wanted to visit England," he replied simply, lighting a cigarette and putting on a pair of sunglasses. I tried to recall when I had said that when a memory of a fancy restaurant came into my mind. Yes, we had talked about it when we were discussing about Usagi-san's first ten years of upbringing in that foreign country. Looking at him, I felt my heart skip a little. Was Usagi-san this handsome before? Wait, as I remembered, he had always been that high and mighty kind but cool? I saw the female passersby gawking at him. My heart felt tight as if someone had squeezed it. I was surprised by that sudden emotion. What was that for?

"B-But this is just too much!" I continued to shout at that man who knew nothing about spending hard earned money wisely once I had recovered from the sudden confusion of the unknown feeling. After that, my mind set off to plan on how I was going to repay him back all those money he had spent on me. A work of slavery worth a life time would not be enough!

"It's alright as long as I have Misaki by my side…" he said as if he could read my mind. I blinked twice before it registered. How? I was baffled. He just smiled knowingly without a word. Somehow, those words were rather familiar. They tickled my blocked memories but were not strong enough to dig one out. I sighed. If only he was more direct with his words and actions, then I might be able to remember more clearly. However, I was more than glad that he had promised to help me regain my memories. The deal was he would do things that might, emphasis on the word, 'might', help me to recover those memories but he would not tell them outright. He said that there was no meaning if he told me without me remembering it myself. I agreed, in return, promising to tell him all the memories I remembered in the process, which I doubted I would if I could help it.

"Oh, well, since we are here, might as well enjoy ourselves!" I sighed and then exclaimed cheerfully. Deep down, I was really happy to be able to travel out of Japan and for some reasons, with Usagi-san. I did not know why but in my heart, I knew, traveling anywhere, as long as I was with this guy, I would enjoy it. Was it from experience? I could only barely remember our trip to Sapporo for my birthday and I am quite sure we went to an onsen, then to some mountain as well. I thought it was some run away trip from Aikawa-san because he could not reach his deadline. Snorting inwardly, I realized that was just so like Usagi-san.

'_You know, for saying this whole trip is my birthday present, it sure seems like you're the one having most of the fun…' _I had said when we went to Sapporo.

'_I am having fun. This has to be the first time I've traveled with someone outside work…' _ he had said. Then, I recalled that he also answered that his family wasn't the kind to go for family trips. He said he preferred to travel alone. But that was then, right? Ever since that trip to Sapporo, we had had fun at the onsen and mountains as well, hadn't we? I must not ruin this trip as well. I would try my best to make it as fun as possible for him, regardless I had lost my memories or not!

"Let's make memories!" I told him, remembering the words from my past. Once again, he smiled at me. One of his hands left the steering wheel to ruffle my hair affectionately like he always had. He was trying to hide that little sadness in his eyes but I caught it. I was slightly glad though. That unhappy look was only momentary compared to the sincerely happy expression that followed. Plus, it was certainly more than I had hoped for compared to those long faces I had seen when I had first returned home. A small smile of gladness and relief played on my lips as the gentle breeze blew at my face, bringing me fresh hopes on recovering what I had lost.

…**.**

A month passed since I had come back to this luxurious apartment. Large chunks of my memory were still hidden in my mind, yet to be recovered but I would say that I was making some progress little by little. However, the improvement was just too slow, I finally ran out of patience. Today, when Usagi-san gave me a box of chocolates, I was really surprised. Then, when I noticed they were alcoholic chocolates, I remembered getting drunk on them once. That time, if I was not mistaken, I was really upset over something relating to Aikawa-san. Why, I could not remember. When I was straining too hard, the headache came. He noticed my change of expression and started questioning. However, when I told him about that half remembered memory, he only smiled and then told me not to overstrain myself. It had really bugged me that he was not willing to tell me why I was upset then and what had happened next.

"Usagi-san? Are you awake?" I whispered quietly, trying my luck. Perhaps when he was half asleep, he would answer my questions, forgetting about the deal. The man in question who was lying down beside me in that overly large bed stirred a little before answering me.

"Yeah… What's wrong, Misaki? Can't sleep?" he asked in return with his low, gentle voice. I realized that I really liked his voice. It was gruff yet very calm and comforting. He turned to me in the dark. I could see that soft glimmer in his silver eyes even though blackness surrounded us.

"Usagi-san, who are you really to me? Who am I to you?" He turned his gaze away but one of his large hands under the blanket caught mine and squeezed it softly.

"It's alright… Take your time to remember…" Usagi-san replied soothingly but I could hear that slight strain in his voice.

"Please tell me… Please?" I pleaded, tugging the sleeve of his shirt. The body beside me stiffened, his grip on my hand tightened. There was a long moment of silence until I thought he had decided to ignore me and gone back to sleep but he turned to face me once again. He messed my hair again with his cold hand.

"What do you think? Based on what you have remembered?" He questioned. I thought deeply. It was a question I had frequently asked myself when I thought of it. I liked it when he was by my side like this, when he just was around. I did not feel weird sleeping together with him even though he was a man. He gave me a sense of calm and peace, erasing away all my anxiety with his touch and voice. He was kind and caring to me.

"My best friend? A brother-like figure?" I felt him twitch a little. Did I just think aloud? Unconsciously, we had moved so near together that our bodies brushed each other's softly. Embarrassed, I retreated but he pulled me into his arms, embracing me. Usagi-san was so warm and comforting that I felt safe in his arms.

"No… It's not like that…" I muttered again as I confirmed it with myself. Yes, it was definitely not like that at all. It was similar but different at the same time. Usagi-san was not the same as onii-chan. After a few more pats on my head, he buried his face in my hair, inhaling gently before sighing.

"I'll bring you somewhere tomorrow. You might be able to remember some things…" He was just so stubborn about not telling. I wondered where he would take me. Perhaps that other fancy restaurant from my memories. Somehow, I knew something happened in that place and I nearly was able to remember it when we went for dinner the other day until Isaka-san had interrupted us and Usagi-san brought me home before I could recall anything else.

"Sleep now, Misaki…" His voice trailed off quietly. It did not take him long for his breathing to become even and deep. Snoring softly, he pulled me closer to his chest. Although it rather annoyed me to be mistaken for Suzuki-san again, but a little part of me was happy. I did not know why but I really like it when he hugged me every time. My heart would speed up a little and then calm down immediately once I listened to his heartbeats. That steady rhythm along with his consistent breathing slowly lulled me into dreamland. Before I completely fall asleep, a question Usagi-san had previously asked echoed vaguely at the back of my mind.

'_Who was the driver who knocked me?' _Exhaustion took me deeper into the darkness before I could pull myself out to think more.

…**.**

**That's about it. Woohoo… We moved a step closer to Misaki's journey on recovering his memories! Next chapter would be a rather short one. I've almost finished it and it would be ready to be beta-ed in a few days most, I guess, depending on situations. Oh, one thing, Cheyanne-chan said that where Misaki said 'Let's make memories!' sounded like what Ritsuka said in Loveless. Let me tell you, NO! It was really from Junjou! If you look back at where Misaki went to Sapporo with Usagi-san, you'll see he really said that. Perhaps he took it from Loveless… Hahaha…**

**Enough of my rambles! Please review!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	15. Usagisan: Dinner

**Woots! Next chapter here! What happened to the other readers? Where are all my reviews? T_T It was so significantly lesser than those chapters before… Was it not good enough? Everyone's busy, huh? Don't worry! I totally understand!**

**An answer to Noob: Why I sent them to England? *puff up chest and put hands on hip* Because I want to! (Reminds you of someone?) Actually, I wanted to put in a scene for Misaki to yell a little at our bunny. And as well as that phrase 'Let's make memories!'. I wanted to elaborate more of the England trip but I just could not think of any funny scenes so, it turned out to be short. T_T Maybe if an idea pop up in the future, I'll write it as a side story, kay? Any ideas or request, anyone? And we all agree, Misaki is still too stuck to that 'straight' concept. And I wanted to make him as oblivious as possible because we all know his every 'first' was taken by Usagi-san so he practically does not have any experience in love. Hahaha…**

**Long blab there. Thanks to Cheyanne-chan for being a dear, picking up all my mess… **

**Usagi-san: Dinner**

'_Am I doing the right thing?'_ I had asked myself countless times for the past month. And now, was I doing the right thing by bringing him to those places which held so many important memories for both of us? I continued to ponder, focusing on little else save driving sufficiently. I was purposely taking a longer route to the restaurant that we had gone to on our first date. Beside me, enjoying the scenery as we passed by, Misaki was smiling happily. That grin was the ear to ear kind.

"Why are you so happy?" I questioned him curiously. He looked at me, eyes sparkling like jewels.

"No reason." I eyed him suspiciously as he turned his attention back to scenery.

"I remembered there was one time, Usagi-san took me for a car ride and we went to the ocean, then dinner at a fancy restaurant." He finally told me. Was that all? I wished deeply in my heart he would not press the matter further. My heart constricted slightly as I thought of the pain he would suffer every time he had recovered a memory but the smile on his face was not strained so I assumed this one was a memory that had come back naturally instead of him forcing it out of his brain. Lately, it had been like this. Either he had gotten so good at hiding the pain or he was just remembering things that did not pain him. The boy was just too stubborn. He refused to leave a half remembered memory alone. And I knew that he would continue thinking about it for the whole day until it gave him a headache. Knowing that was what was happening now in his mind, I grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it gently.

"Don't force yourself…" I muttered quietly. Turning his gaze back at me, he smiled appreciatively and nodded.

"I won't. I don't want some stupid headache to interrupt our dinner together where I might remember more," he replied optimistically. I sighed softly to myself. So he did notice there was more to that memory. I really just couldn't hold my own composition when I was with him. No matter how tough is was I had made a decision not to tell him, not to help him and not to hurt him, but he would always have his own way of breaking through my resolution. There was just no way I could say 'no' to him when he looked at me with those pure, earnest eyes of his. My steel heart would just crumble and I would give in to him. I loved him too much. It was a piteous reason I gave when I asked myself why did I do these things, knowing somewhere in the process, he would get hurt again. That reason did not make me feel better, not even one little bit.

"We're here…" I notified the boy who was anticipating this trip like a kid going for his first school trip. Getting out of the car quickly, I sighed and then hastily walked over to his side, opening his door like a gentleman would for a lady. There was no use regretting now. I knew whatever was to happen later today, it was already too late to prevent it from occurring. If I forced him home now, I had a feeling he would be really upset and hurt as well. After all, I did promise him. Offering him my hand, I saw a light blush on his cheek in the dark before he placed his small hand in mine and got out of the car. I marveled at his gracefulness for a man.

"So, we really did come to a fancy restaurant before and this was the restaurant…" He exclaimed triumphantly. My eyebrow rose slightly.

"This restaurant?" I blinked, not catching his incomplete explanation.

"Umm… You see, I remembered we came here when we went to the other restaurant that day. That was before Isaka-san barged into our dinner again," he sighed. Eyeing me with the corner of his eyes, I could tell that he was trying to analyze whether I was angry at him for keeping that memory a secret.

"It's alright. That was before the deal, right?" I told him. He nodded, guilt still forcing his head to bow down. Gosh, this boy was just too kind and sweet. I lifted his chin, forcing him to look into my eyes. Instead of me capturing him in my gaze, I found myself sinking into his emerald deepness.

"Don't look down. I want to be able to see your face when you smile." I could not help grinning as well when he flushed cutely.

"Oh, really?" he stammered nervously. Turning robotically towards the entrance of the restaurant, he started moving his legs in sync with his hands. I chuckled a little when I saw his red ears, running a few steps to catch up and walked by his side. I ruffled his neatly combed hair, messing it up, listening to his nagging for disorganizing his velvety brown hair, forgetting about being stiff. Smiling to myself, I was glad my trick worked.

"We are going to somewhere else later. That's our real destination," I informed him as I gave the person at the reception my name to confirm the reservation. The man guided us to the place where we sat during our first date.

"What would you like to eat, Misaki?" I asked him after we settled down, when the man handed the menu to both of us. With trembling hands, he flipped through the menu, emerald orbs spinning while I did not even bother to open the leather bounded book.

"Err… Whatever you ordered last time?" I could see his brain going overheated with all the foreign words and the numbers which indicated their price in the menu. I told the waiter our order. When we were left alone, he started to fidget and squirm a little before exhaling. I did not need to ask him what was wrong. He was obviously still not used to the high class society ways though it was not his first time sitting in a fancy restaurant as he would call it, wearing a suit. We talked on light topics as the waiter served our food. It was steak like before. He inhaled the aroma released by the well seasoned meat before cutting it into small pieces. I observed him from under my eyelashes, falsely concentrating on my food but really more than ninety-five percent of my attention on him. Just watching his actions, the way he savored the food, the way he chewed was simply bliss. The atmosphere was calm and warm. It was as if nothing had changed between us. Nothing had happened in the past few months, no accident and no memory loss. It was exactly how it would be when he still loved me.

"Don't rush. I remember." He interrupted before I could say anything as I reached over to wipe off the gravy smeared at the edge of his lips caused by hastiness. I just smiled in return

"Usagi-san… You're very quiet tonight," Misaki stated. I was rather surprised.

"I… I was just thinking what you would remember later…" I muttered. His expression fell for a second before lighting up cheerfully.

"Usagi-san can tell me what I can't remember." He was just trying to be optimistic but deep inside, I knew. He was going to push himself to remember every single detail tonight even if he was going to suffer. That was Misaki. Determined and unable give up easily. We finished dinner for once in a nice restaurant without Isaka-san interrupting. Though we were sitting just opposite of each other, I could tell that both of our minds were wandering at the opposite poles of the Earth, so close yet so far. I could not even bear to think what was going to happen next.

…**.**

**I bet you guys are really pissed whenever you see these bold words. It means that it's the end of the chapter! Hahaha… And I'm quite sure you guys are impatient to know when Misaki is going to remember anything. Let me give you something juicy! Next chapter WOULD be interesting! I didn't guarantee memories though! ^_^**

**Now, I expect more but if you don't, I understand… But I still have to say, review please! ^_^**

**Twilight Cherry**


	16. Misaki: Realization

**Walah! I'm back, from hell. Hahaha… Just joking. Well, it's rather hellish these few weeks and this coming week as well, so you guys better be grateful I'm updating! Bow down to the all mighty Sakura-sama! Hahaha… My piano exam's up next week so I've been practicing my fingers off. By the time I finished, my fingers were just too tired to type. Hence, the slow update! Sorry!**

**Noobility: Thank you! You just gave me a great idea! I have the rough sketch in my mind now. Yes, I'm definitely writing a side story for that England thing! Hahaha… But I'm not sure I'll be posting it anytime soon. Maybe after I complete this story, but I'll notify you!**

**Cheyanne-chan, thank you for your hard work! The good thing of betas, they get to shoot you before anyone else gets the chance. I'll not spoil it. Read on!**

**Misaki: Realization**

We finished dinner quietly without the interruption we'd had during our dinners before this one; no Isaka-san barging in. When Usagi-san paid the bill, I saw him generously tipped the waiter. He must be in a good mood, I thought. But then, his look turned somber almost immediately after.

As we walked out the restaurant, I could not read nor predict what was on Usagi-san's mind. It was as if thousands of emotions were flitting over his expression and I couldn't grasp on even one. Quietly and obediently, I entered the car when he opened the door for me just like he had done when we arrived. I looked, more like stared, at the clock in the car which read 8:45 pm. From the corner of my eyes, I saw him hesitated for a moment before he finally opened the driver's door and got in. He started the car and drove without a word.

Halfway through, the tension in the air did not decrease but instead, seemed to be increasing every second. Taking in a deep breath, I resolved that if I didn't say it now, it would be more difficult later.

"Usagi-san?" I started probing softly.

"Yes?" He answered in a controlled, strained voice. Even so, the heavy atmosphere seemed to lighten ever so slightly. I saw his serious expression reduced to a much gentler one.

"I want to tell you that I don't care if you won't tell me the parts of my memory that I've forgotten but could you promise me one thing?" I strained my head for words, nice words that would not hurt his feelings too much. I bit my lips as I saw him tense, the grip he had on the steering wheel tightening considerably.

"Anything…" He whispered. "I promise."

"I want you to promise me that no matter how much I agonize over a memory or how much my head hurts later, you won't interrupt me and bring me away from that place." I paused to observe his expression. There was that stoic face, the expressionless mask he of ten wore lately. He seemed to be concentrating on the road but I could see he was analyzing the consequences and various other things if he really did promise me that and broke it later.

"I won't go back home with you if I'm not satisfied," I threatened. Another minute of silence passed quickly like the street lamps flashing by. He sighed at last in defeat, reaching a hand over to rub my head.

"Alright… if that is what you wish." His pained expression inflicted damage on my already bleeding heart for being such a selfish person but it was like salt spread on the wound. It stung but it would do it good. I needed to regain those memories, no matter how much it hurt both of us. I was nearly a hundred percent sure I was going to obtain a precious memory from wherever he was bringing me.

"We're here…" he said flatly. I was only able to stare at the huge Ferris wheel, glowing so cheerfully in the dark night, as my heart pounded against my chest. There was two beats where it somehow shook my whole body. That shock traveled to my brain, causing my eyes to widen momentarily and my body to halt in motion as I placed my foot on the ground. Somewhat robotically, I managed to lift my gaze to the huge structure and did not look anywhere else.

"I've got the tickets." Usagi-san's warm voice broke me out of my trance. I managed a weak smile but when he frowned in concern, I quickly widen it to a grin. He did not ask any questions and just for that, I was glad. I would not be able to come up with the proper words for why I was so attracted to this huge, round, sparkly thing yet there was just that little hint of nostalgia in it. He led me to the queue. Peeking up at him, I saw him lifting his hands to his mouth, blowing on them to warm them up. Then, I noticed something else.

"Misaki?" His expression was pleasantly surprised when I wrapped my scarf around his neck. When he looked down at me, I was able to smile purely at him. No pretenses whatsoever.

"The last time, Usagi-san gave me his scarf when I was cold," I reminded him as if he needed me to recall that memory. I could see he held onto all my memories, our memories, tightly, preciously, like they were treasures. And yet, he was just too stubborn to tell it to my face. He touched the woolen muffler I wrapped around his neck gingerly, as if it would crumble if he was careless, and inhaled deeply. A carriage stopped in front of us, breaking the peaceful moment but he did not seem to mind.

"Watch your step," he murmured, guided me into the carriage. I felt heat rising to my face as I muttered a quiet 'thanks', knowing that I was being treated extremely kind today. But he had always been a gentleman, even then. He did this before, my mind told me. The carriage begun its slow ascent while the mood surrounding us turned into something I could not place. It was like the serene peacefulness had somehow found its way to pair with heaviness, and tinted it with a pink colored feel that I just could not describe in words. My heart was pounding like a drum, both with nervousness and excitement.

"Tokyo tower looks so beautiful from here…" I stuttered to break the growing silence. He only nodded absently, a melancholy smile donning his face as he stared at the mentioned structure but he did not hide it like he had always done in front of me. Usagi-san seemed to be absorbed in his world, perhaps in the world where we would be if I had not lost my memories. I bit my lips hard when my chest constricted in pain. I had to say something here, I thought. I tried to search for the right thing to say but my mind hit a blank wall. What was I supposed to say here, at this time?

'_I love you.'_

"Huh?" My eyes widened with shock. Whose voice was that? Who said that in my memory? Usagi-san did not notice my surprised expression nor did he notice my sudden exclaimed. But I could not focus on anything else except for that. Frantically, I rummaged my brain, wishing with all my heart those words would repeat again so I could place that voice.

'_Because I love you…' _I leaned back against the seat, all the energy in my body sapped out in disbelief. I was the one who said that! I was the one who told him those words. Did I really say that to him? I felt my eyes going round with horror. But everything was clearer than ever now. That was why I always felt so happy and satisfied when I was with Usagi-san, the longing feel of wanting to be near him, the safe feeling when he embraced me, the random heartbeats when he rubbed my head affectionately. The answer was that simple. Just those three words.

'_But did he love me?'_ A voice in my head asked my joyous heart. I suddenly felt as if someone had just slapped me in the face.

"Misaki, what's the matter?" He reached over to cup my cheek. That touch alone was like an electric shock, causing me to recoil. My mind was completely unaware of my own actions. It was only circling around those three words. Did I really tell him that? Was it me who said those embarrassing words? I did not mind I was in love with a man. Somehow, I felt as if I had accepted long ago. The only thing that mattered now was did he returned my feelings? What was his answer? How did he respond?

'_Of course he would have rejected! No one in the right mind would say yes to such an outrageous confession!' _I searched my mind as deeply as I could but that was the only answer that came surfacing to me. That's right, I thought. Who would have accepted it? Being told suddenly that you are loved and what was more, the opposite was a person with the same sex? That was just pure absurd!

"H-Hahaha…" I laughed meekly at that answer. That's right. Who would believe such a stupid thing? I am such an idiot! And yet, why am I feeling this pain in my chest? Why is it that my heart felt like it was being stabbed with a thousand needles? Unconsciously, I applied pressure on my lips and clenched my fist across my heart. I could not help my body from trembling. My vision blurred as I strained my eyes, trying to hold in the water, but it still brimmed my eyes. I heard heavy breathing, only realizing faintly that I was the one who was panting.

"Misaki! Misaki!" Usagi-san's voice was so distant. I could barely feel his hold on my shoulders. Fear seeped into me as I desperately grasped onto his arm. I just need to feel him, feel his solidness, his steadiness, to tell me he was with me. However, it became harder and harder to breathe, harder to focus. Everything was slipping away, his voice, his touch, his smell. Every breath I took was like a fistful of knives slicing up my heart. A sudden jerk cleared my mind a little. I saw the ride had ended through my hazy eyesight. The fresh air when the door to the carriage was opened hit my face full force. Like a hungry wolf, I pushed aside his hands and raced out of the confinement towards the night air, chokingly swallowed the sweet air. The cool air that entered my lungs was soothing as well as stinging as I kept on clawing for more. Running aimlessly with colors flashing around my head, I charged straight ahead without thinking a single thing.

I did not think. I pushed it out of my mind. I closed my ears with my hands. But those words rang loudly.

'_I love you.'_

…**.**

***looking very alert with tranquilizer gun in hand* Ok! Stand back! Don't come near me! I've prepared tissue at the other corner if you need! Hahaha… Yep, I'm a natural sadist. A little devil. ^_^ Some of you got the place right. Bravo! *gives cookie* So, Misaki finally remembered something. But little Misaki is just too innocent and heck 'straight' to think of the possibility that another man could also love him. Hahaha… It is Misaki-like, right? He now knows that he himself was gay but he did not want to cause trouble to other people and assume that every single person in this world must be straight. It would be only him who would be the 'bad' one. But I'll leave you to think more about it.**

**About the restrain issue… Hmmm… I have no comment. ^_^**

**Now, now, do what you readers are supposed to do.**

**Twilight Cherry**


	17. Usagisan: Confused

**I'M SORRY! Hey, don't put all the blame me on me! You guys have the responsibility as well! You know, that swell on my head thanks to a certain reviewer (you know who you are) and my beta took two days to heal! TWO DAYS! T_T Ok, I was exaggerating. Well, people, I have some bad news to tell you guys, some good news as well. Sit tight and listen to me ramble. Skip it if you want.**

**The first bad news is I lost my script book! You know, those kinds where a thousand and one ideas are scribbled on. The good news is since Junjou is a rather new and recent work, the plot still quite fresh so I can somehow recall it. I think I have to put a hiatus note on my other stories until I have the time to dig my script book out. So, I don't know whether you should be happy or sad over it.**

**Second, I am having my exams again! *groan* I know, I know. I hate it as much as you guys but hey, be glad that it is just a mere two days. But seriously, it's an extreme important one so I am not to fool around that much. I noticed that every time I update, it is always somewhere near my exams. Hahaha… Maybe I have pre-exam stress, and then I tend to write. Hahaha… Now, now, don't go having weird ideas of wishing I have more exams. Exams set me near the pissed and dead line.**

**Ok, I think that's it. Real long huh? Wait, one more thing! This time delay is seriously not entirely me fault. Blame my beta if you want. Hahaha… Nah, don't blame her. She's also a busy college student like yours truly. And Cheyanne-chan had been a great help! So, please do give your gratitude to her for the nice grammars. Cheyanne-chan, thanks as always and I'm sorry though I asked you to think of a title, I did not use it. Sorry! *bows***

**This chapter is an advanced birthday present for Hanada-sama! His birthday is exactly next week, 12****th**** of September! I don't think I would be able to complete the following chapter in time so this chapter will have to do. And also, I want to wish my all time favorite seiyuu, Seki-sama, happy advanced birthday! (8****th**** of September. My exam day! T_T) Those of you who watched Gravitation, you'll know him. Shu-chan! Ok, let's get on with the story! **

**Usagi-san: Confused**

I was completely in my own world, thinking how things would be if Misaki had not lost his memories. I barely paid attention when he praised the metallic structure they called the Tokyo Tower. It was not as amazing as he mentioned anyway, not breathtaking as himself. And then, suddenly, he slumped against the seat in the Ferris wheel with a dull thud, expression in pure horror.

Jerking me out of my fantasy world abruptly, I stretched my arm across the distance to touch his cheek but he sprang away as my hand brushed against him. I was completely shocked and hurt, concern filled in every possible corner or my heart. I tried again and this time, he did not move away, his eyes were staring into space, completely blank like a doll's. It was like his soul was lost, leaving behind an empty shell that looked like my Misaki.

"H-Hahaha…" Glimmers returned to his emerald orbs momentarily as he laughed softly, somehow, a little weirdly that it sent chills down my spine. And yet, while he chuckled, tears pooled around his green eyes, hands clutching over his chest. He shivered like a child left in the street during winter, innocent and scared. His breathing grew labored.

"Misaki? Misaki!" I tried calling his name, trying to bring him out of his own world but to no avail. No more light returned to his eyes but when I held onto him, his trembling hand reached up and clutched ever so desperately onto my arm till it hurt. However, what pained me was not the pressure he was applying, but the void look that was on his face. His eyes were alternating frantically from blank and focus with every blink.

When the carriage stopped, he gasped loudly and burst out, running blindly to who knows where. Sprinting behind him, I tried to catch up with that lean boy. Focused on his little form, I did not look at anything else until a loud blare of horn made me turn my gaze towards the source. My heart stopped momentarily.

"MISAKI!" I thought I yelled. I did not think much before throwing myself at the boy who stood frozen in the middle of the path of an oncoming truck. I managed to pull both of us back in time before the giant machine ran over us. His weight in my arms made me unbalance and I tripped on the side walk. Instinctively, I turned myself so I would not fall on him but was not quick enough to flip entirely below him. Hugging him tightly to my body, I hoped it reduced the impact on him as we toppled. We both landed on our sides with my hands cradling his head.

"Are you alright?"

"Call the ambulance!"

Random shouting surrounded us but I barely heard it. All I was aware of was my own muttering of his name, my own hand movements caressing his face.

I inspected his body with one swift glance, satisfied when I found no redness or scratches on his smooth skin, before returning to his empty expression. He was lifeless once again; only, this time, his eyes were wide open in shock. Large but vacant. They looked like two unpolished emeralds. All the while, I kept calling his name softly, trying to coax him out from his mind.

"Sir! You have to let the boy go!" I heard someone sternly say before Misaki was torn away from my arms. I tried to resist but a sharp pain in my right wrist made it impossible. I saw a person in pure white carry him away from me. Two pair of strong hands held each of my arms, preventing me from rushing forward and grabbing my angel back. I hissed ferociously, struggling. When the man carrying Misaki away vanished down the corridor, I finally gave up and let the doctors steer me into a room.

"There doesn't seem to be any fractures or broken bones. Just a sprained wrist. You'll be fine in a week," the doctor said after what seemed to be a century long of inspection. He bandaged my right hand as I sat quietly, emotionlessly. Inside, however, I could feel a thousand monsters clawing throughout my whole body. The heavy feeling in my gut was gaining weight with every passing second.

"You can go now. Come back for a check-up next week." I sprang off the seat immediately and head for the direction where I'd seen the other doctor carry my angel. I recognized the corridors too well now my brain cleared up a little. It was the same hospital where Misaki had been admitted and had stayed for more than a month, unconscious. My feet seemed to know where to go. Bursting into the room where I felt Misaki's presence, I saw my brunette angel sitting on a chair in front of his doctor. His expression was still blank, doll-like.

"Who are you? Are you his family?" The doctor asked when he noticed my arrival. I ignored him and approached Misaki slowly as if any fast movement would cause him harm. I reached towards his expressionless face and touched it lightly with my good hand.

"How is he?" I managed to growl without taking my eyes of my precious treasure.

"There doesn't seem to be any injuries. He is just in shock. I have given him a tranquilizing shot. He'll be asleep soon." Sure enough, Misaki's eyelids began to drop over his opaque emerald orbs. He slumped into my ready arms. Shifting him onto my lap, I stared at the doctor, expecting him to give me more explanation.

"He will be fine after some rest. He is fit enough to go home." The doctor replied with a nervous smile.

"Are you sure?" I asked quietly, not wanting to disturb my sleeping angel.

"Yes, yes. Would you like him to stay for the night for further observations?" He inquired.

"No!" I snapped. I did not want him to be in this place for even a millisecond longer. It reminded me of the time when he laid hooked up with all the machines and his life on the line constantly. I really hated the whiteness here. I even despise the person standing in front of me, dressed in that spiteful white, who had poked at my Misaki even if it was for his good. Without a word, I got up and carried him bridal style out of this place that reeked of death. I caught a cab and headed home, not letting him go even once.

…**.**

"Misaki?" I softly called his name when I laid him in the middle of the bed. His only response was his soft breathing. I assumed the drugs were doing their work, but when I caressed him with my bandaged right hand, a tiny crystal tear fell down his cheek. That little reply wounded me deeply. I thought it was best to leave him alone, reluctantly dragging my feet downstairs. I knew it was something he remembered in that Ferris wheel that frightened him so.

That whole night, I spent it lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, wondering what had terrified him. I took a cigarette out and was about to light it when I remembered how he always reprimanded me before, and even now. Frustrated, I snapped it into two and threw it aside. My mind continued to reel. Was it because he remembered I told him I love him? Could he not accept the fact that I was gay? But no, he was not as bad as this when I first told him I loved him. Then, what was it? I sent a little thank you prayer to God, feeling extremely grateful that Misaki's life was sparred again. Even if He decided to really take my angel away again, I had resolved that I would go with him. Without him, life was utterly meaningless.

Thinking of what ifs the whole night, the sun came up. My emotions were still laced with worries, even as I quietly went up to check on him. I was surprised to not see him on the bed. A quick glance around the large room, I found him on the floor beside a bag he was stuffing his things into.

"Misaki?" I called his name questioningly. He ignored me. That action felt like two swords slicing through my heart.

'_Maybe he did not hear me.'_ That was what I thought. I immediately rushed forward and knelt beside him.

"What are you doing? What's wrong, Misaki?" I cupped his face with both my hands.

"I'm going back to my brother's place…" he whispered. I was stunned. I tried to gauge his expression but his eyes were averted. He would not look into my eyes.

"Why?" I burst out in agony.

"I remembered…"

"What did you remember?" I managed to ask in a strained voice.

"I remembered why I wanted to come back here. Why I wanted to be with Usagi-san so much. It was because I love you…" He babbled. Tears began to form and flow down his cheeks over my hands. I felt my eyes go wide with surprise. He remembered that? He finally remembered that he loved me? But why was he crying then?

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? Was it because I was too persistent? It must be troublesome having someone who constantly chasing you when you don't like that person…" He mumbled. I was lost. What was he talking about?

"Misaki, what are you talking-" I tried but was cut off mid-sentence.

"Then, why did you let me come back and stay with you? Was it because you and my brother were best friends? Was it because you pitied me, a hopeless guy who fell for another guy? Was it that fun to watch me fall for you again? Is it really that fun to play with someone's emotions?" He yelled out, anguished. I didn't understand a single thing he was saying. What on Earth did he meant by saying that?

"Misaki, I-" I could not finish my words before he interrupted me again.

"It's alright now. You won't have anyone to bother you anymore. I don't want to be a burden…" His last words were so soft but they rang loudly in my ears. He hoisted his bag over his shoulder and got up. That was the wake up call. Every piece fell into place. It was not that hard to figure it out when I looked at it from his point of view. His thoughts were just simple and innocent. There was no need for complicated words. I smiled in relief, in joy, in happiness.

"Silly boy…" I chuckled. Pulling his hand with a strong tug, I moved a step forward and bent down to close the distance between us.

It was heaven to feel his sweet lips on mine once again. It had been too long…

…**.**

**Now, don't you hit me again! It's a nice ending! They finally kissed! How can you not say it's nice? Right, right?**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE:**

**It's ok if you skipped the author notes above but this you must read! I have a very important question to all you readers!**

**Do you want to see LEMON in this FF? I have to tell you that I have no experience in writing lemons but if you want, I will try.**

**Decision will be based on majority! Please do tell me along with your thoughts in the reviews! ^_^ **

**Twilight Cherry**


	18. Misaki: Kiss

**Hello, people! The next chapter's here! Don't worry. I'm not dead neither am I banned from the computer. I did rather nicely in my exams. ^_^**

**Wow… *stunned* It seems that almost everyone is extremely excited and enthusiastic over lemon. So, it is decided! There will be lemon. But not in this chapter. Give me some time to build the feeling up first. XD**

**Now, my greatest appreciation to my lovely beta! Thank you for your hard work! And let's get on with the story!**

**Misaki: Kiss**

I did not know why I was so upset. Why, indeed? Why did I yell at him when I knew that he was just fooling around with my feelings? I had known that for a long time, hadn't I? Was I that desperate for him to love me in return? Since when did I become so selfish, wanting things to happen for myself? I must have forgotten how had it been when I wished for something. The last time I'd wanted something this badly, it had resulted in the death of the people I loved. Yes, I am a person who was not allowed to have childish desires because somehow, they will end up being a curse instead of a blessing.

Ashamed of my sudden outburst, I told him my final parting words and slung the strap of my bag over my shoulder. I got up from my kneeling position but my body felt so heavy, I staggered under the weight of it a little. My own words about not wanting to be a burden rang with irony in my own ears. This was the right thing to do, my mind told me. All I would ever be was being a burden. And yet, why did my heart ache when I am set on leaving him again? Why were my feet glued to the floor, refusing to leave the shocked man standing dumbfounded there? It didn't help that tears kept on flowing even when I willed with all my heart for them to stop.

As I approached the door, I heard his low chuckle and his soft words. Silly boy. Yes, that was exactly what I was, silly and stupid enough to repeatedly walk into this trap, this torture chamber, when I knew every single thing it would do to me would only to cause me further pain. Suddenly, with one strong tug of his hand, he turned me around and in the same moment he closed the distance between our lips.

I could not describe what was running through in my mind because there was nothing. Just plain blankness. It was a sudden shock through my entire being. That was exactly why I was so aware of his actions, his every movement, and only partially conscious on my own half numb body.

His lips felt so familiar, they fit mine so perfectly, almost as though they were specially made just for him. This proved one solitary fact: this was not the first time Usagi-san had kissed me. But this was certainly the first kiss after a long, long time.

After parting for a mere second, he claimed my lips again. I felt his tongue running along my lips and I unconsciously parted them for him. That sweet sensation and flavor that reached my mind, a totally different taste from anything else in the world, was special. It was Usagi-san.

"Why?" I managed to whisper within another second when he pulled apart to catch a breath and joining our lips again. His hand, caressing my face all the while, wiped off the trail of tears so gently that it felt like the wings of a butterfly brushing my cheek.

I was getting dizzier with every kiss, every second. Melting into his body, my body moved on its own to reply to his affections by leaning into the kiss. The warmth spreading throughout my body was intoxicating. When I finally fell limply into his arms, he released my lips from his but still held my face close to his, planting a few feathery kisses on my forehead and my rather swollen eyelids.

"Heh, you've stopped crying." He was right. The tears had stopped flowing.

"You told me before that you can't stop crying even if you want to, right?" He chuckled. Those words triggered my memory. He'd stopped my tears that time in this way too, only perhaps with not so many kisses. That time when my brother said he was going to marry Manami onee-chan.

That's right! He was in love with my brother! And then, when my brother announced what made his dreams impossible, he gave up, satisfied with just being friends. What happened next? What were his feelings after that incident? Who was I to him? Just when I was floating in the haze of these questions, my mind still clouded with his kisses, he embraced me so tightly that he squeezed all the remaining breath out of me.

"Never say you'll leave me again! I cannot live without you. Never…" He muttered into my ear, resting his forehead on my shoulder. I stood there unmoving as I felt dampness forming on my shoulder. Usagi-san was crying. Hesitantly, I lifted my arms and hugged him in return. His strong back was hard as I remembered and they still emitted the same aura like before. The produced feeling stated that I just could not easily let go once I got hold onto to his back. It was a weird yet comforting feeling.

"I don't want to be a burden to you…" I felt tears prickling my eyes once again as I mumbled those word half heartedly. I did not want to leave him. Parting with him again, just the mere thought of it, sliced my heart into pieces but more than anything, I did not want to cause him trouble. It was the last thing I would ever want.

"If you don't want to be a burden, then stay by my side. Have you still not remembered?" He asked with a little smile. I was about to open my mouth to say that I _had_ lost my memory but just then, the said memory came back to me. Yes, I did remember him saying such a thing when we were on the train to Sapporo.

"Well, what is your answer?" He blew that question softly across my face, hand ruffling my head affectionately like he always did.

"Yes…" Tears of happiness fell once again as I buried my face on his chest. I felt his bandaged hand stroke one side of my head and his strong other hand rested on the other side. I was the one who had caused him to be injured. I was the one. But he said he didn't mind. He said I could stay. Can I be selfish just this once? Even if he did not really love me, even if these all was just a dream, could I really stay?

"I love you, Misaki…" He used these simple words to assure me, wiping away my doubts. He must have thought complicated words were not necessary. Actions were sufficient. Indeed, it was more than I could ever wish for when he touched his lips against mine. That was all it took to erase all the uncertainties along with other thoughts. It did not matter anymore if he was lying. I just needed to hear them, to hear his voice, to feel his lips.

His sweet lips moving along with his strong tongue, exploring mine like a curious little animal were the only things I was aware of. The slow dance of his lips was responded unknowingly by my own hesitant, less experienced ones but nevertheless, it brought me the warmth that was missing all this while, spreading like a slow fire. Far behind the mist of white in my mind, those three words rang loudly but they no longer frighten me.

'_I love you too, Usagi-san…'_

…**.**

**How did you like the chapter? All smushy and all. Hahaha… For once, I did not leave it in a cliff so be grateful! Now, I'm off to bed! It had been a tiring day today and I could hardly keep my eyes open as I corrected my work after my beta returned it to me. **

**Reviews, please…**

**Twilight Cherry (snoring already)**


	19. Usagisan: Tears

**I am not dead! Ok, I was dead, but I'm back from the realm of death now! No, I'm not a zombie! Hahaha… I'll leave the blabbing at the end. Let's get on with the story without even a second delay!**

**Thanks, Cheyanne-chan… I am a little rusty after not writing for a month.**

**Usagi-san: Tears**

Ah, it was heaven. His sweet lips on mine, his smooth skin, his fragile body, they all felt like a dream. But no, I sensed his warmth, tasted the saltiness of his tears, felt the soft pressure he gave when he kissed me and embraced me. It was all real. My Misaki was in my arms. I was kissing my dearest Misaki. It was pure bliss.

"Usagi-san…" He muttered into my shirt.

"What is it, Misaki?" I whispered in return, stroking his soft brown hair.

"I'm sorry…" He apologized, looking rather meek when he pulled away from my chest.

"What for?" I asked gently, ready to forgive him for anything. He was usually the one who would not forgive himself, I thought in amusement, always taking the blame. It was quite troublesome but I had accepted it. I had told myself I would accept Misaki as he was, all his good and bad. I would cover his all imperfections. Not that I cared. All of his bad sides were cute anyway!

"Umm… Your shirt… It's covered with slime…" I could not help but laughing at his innocent confession.

"What are you laughing at?" He exclaimed, annoyed. Still chuckling, I used the sleeve of my shirt and wiped away all the remaining tears and snot from his face. Then unbuttoning the shirt in a quick motion, I handed it to him.

"Here. Wash it for me. You love me, don't you? You said you would stay by my side." His face was slightly tinted when he saw my bare chest as I was removing the cloth. His jaws dropped when he heard my words, burning up like a tomato.

"I LOVE YOU BUT I'M NOT YOUR GODDAMN MAID!" Misaki burst out. Then, realizing that he had just made a very loud confession, the already red face turned into a brighter shade, spreading all the way to his ears. I smiled smugly at him when he snatched the shirt from my hand and stomped out of the room. Instead of feeling bad for making him angry, I was wishing that he had said 'wife' instead of 'maid'. Finally, unable to hold my laughter in, I chuckled at his bashful demeanor. Really, someday, this guy would be the death of me.

"And put on some shirt before you catch a cold!" My sweet little angel's voice floated up from downstairs. Acting all innocent and ignorant, I plopped myself on the bed without putting anything on to cover my bare chest and waited for him to return to my side, grinning like a fool.

…**.**

I could feel his nervousness as well when he was standing all tensed up beside me, facing that 'forbidden' room. In my hand, the key was ice cold, so cold until it burned into my skin. But my heart instantly warmed up when he smiled at me bravely, nodding a little after taking in a deep breath. From the corner of my eyes, I could see him bracing himself for the wave of memories that would crash into his mind anytime as I pushed the door open. Cautiously, he stepped into the room, one small, steady step after another. I shadowed his movements, ready to catch him any moment if he collapses.

Tracing lightly over the spines of the books on the shelves, brushing the dust off his bed sheets, Misaki moved around the room. I watched, only a pace behind. My eyes were fixed on his face, observing for any change in his expression, but there was none.

He circled the room twice before pausing a while at his shelf of books again. Then, he turned away to the bed and began to remove the dirty linens without a word. Letting my gaze leave his being for a moment, I looked at the spot he was staring. It was the row which held all the photo albums. Wondering why he did not look at the pictures, I was about to ask him when he got up suddenly with the dusty cloths gathered in his arms.

"Time to do the laundries!" He declared. There was a huge smile on his face. However, it could not deceive me. I could see that it was not from his heart.

"Ah, so busy! Usagi-san, since you are so free, you should not procrastinate any longer and get back to your work!" He put on a frown, nagged at me like he used to and bustled out of the room with the sheets. It was at these times where I could not understand what he was thinking.

…**.**

Heeding his words, I went back to work. For once, being good, I sat in my work room, typing away whatever that came to my mind. I did not want to press him on that incident but I kept thinking about it. It was an uneasy feeling, disturbing my train of words for the novel. Finally, frustrated that I was unable to concentrate, I sighed aloud and got up for a break.

As I opened the door of my room, I noticed that the whole penthouse was extremely quiet. There was no sound of chopping from the kitchen, no swish of dusters or brooms and no water running. For a split second, my heart stopped when I thought Misaki was gone again, but I calmed down a little when I saw the door to his room was opened slightly.

Approaching there softly, I could see the soft light that was shining out through the small opening. Peeping in, I saw him sitting on the floor, leaning against the shelf. Propped across his lap was a photo album. He was leafing through it slowly. At one page, he stopped. His bangs and the shadow cast over his being were covering his face so I could not see his expression but I did not miss that silver droplet that dripped on that page.

I wanted to pull him into my arms, caress him and tell him that everything was alright. However, there was also this feeling that I should leave him alone now. All I should do, could do, was stand there, watching him quietly.

There was no label on the spine of the photo album, unlike the others he kept, one that I had no knowledge of.

…**.**

**Short chappie. Sorry, guys! That's all for now. As to where I disappeared to, I was 'studying diligent' (somehow it sounds so wrong) for the exams. But in the end, I still procrastinate until the very last hour. Hahaha… What was I doing instead of the supposed study? Don't worry! I was doing my homework! Reading lots and lots of yaoi manga! Thanks to that, I just came up with a bunch of random ideas! Rejoice, people!**

**Now, about the chapter. *laughs evilly* Do you guys sense something? The sadist here is up to something again. XP Please do review and tell me about it. And look forward to it! Next update would be around end of November or perhaps even December?**

**Twilight Cherry**


	20. Misaki: Clues

**Hey, peeps! It's not my fault! If you have to blame, blame the FF. My beta sent the doc but I didn't receive it! Something like that. Let's cut the crap! Sorry for the delay!**

**Thanks, Chey. You must be wondering why the hell I did not upload the next chapter when you had already sent it. Hahaha… I'm glad I got worried whether you were dead or not. XD**

**Misaki: Clues**

Usagi-san was concentrating seriously on his work, a rare sight that I appreciate once in a while. With him so occupied, I was left free to roam my own room and spare him the pain of watching all my emotions flood out of me as I remember things.

As I leafed through the photo albums, the immense stabbing pain in my chest became so sweet yet so suffocating. I was so angry at myself. Biting my lips and clenching my fist, the slight pain did not do anything to relieve the stress of how small the pain was compared to what Usagi-san had suffered. How could I forget this person, this person who had held me so gently, loved me so dearly?

'_There's one more…'_ I suddenly remembered a particular book I stowed away in a place he would never find, behind my collections of 'The KAN' manga. Shoving the books I used to treasure so much aside, I extracted that album I had carefully kept. My knees went weak and started to shake. Unable to stand any longer, I fell on the floor, leaning against the shelf.

They were all the pictures of Usagi-san I had taken when he did not notice. Usagi-san when he was concentrating on his work, his glasses on the bridge on his nose. Usagi-san when he was debating with Aikawa-san, a frown on his forehead and that 'I-could-not-be-bothered' look on his face. Laughing quietly, I found them amusing but somehow, tears began to well up in my eyes. The next page was a photo when he was sleeping on the couch, with dark circles around his eyes.

'_After rushing for your deadline, huh? Serves you right!'_ I mused. When my fingers reached for the next page, my heart stopped beating for a moment but my hands flipped the page unconsciously.

Usagi-san was sleeping. The blanket was covering everything except his head and broad, bare shoulders. There was this serene, peaceful expression on his face, a small smile gracing his lips. At this moment, the tears fell on the plastic cover of the picture. I knew our relationship in the past was nothing simple, that there was something more, but I knew. We were truly lovers. He'd embraced me. Words of love came echoing back to me in my mind. Images of the time I had looked into his face when we made love flashed clearly.

I felt my face heating up. He used to be so perverted that I had to scold him every single time but I never hated the time when he held me. In fact, I truly cherished those moments when I felt so safe being surrounded by his warmth, his strong arms wrapping around me tightly, the spiteful yet familiar smell of his tobacco on the crook of his neck and his shoulder which was so comfortable.

'_But Usagi-san has not touched me since I lost my memories. Why?'_ I asked myself. The most intimate moment we had was sharing the same bed and him hugging me during his sleep. And only a few days ago, he finally kissed me. Why? He used to touch me every single day that until my face turn red each time, kiss me every moment he could. So why did he stopped?

"…" I was suddenly shocked when I realized what I was thinking. Does that mean I want him to touch me? But he no longer did.

'_Isn't it obvious? He no longer loves you…'_ That little voice at the back of my head whispered. I wanted to deny it but I could not think of any other reason other than that. What my inner self told me was reality. It was just me who was refusing to face the fact. Then why did he ask me to stay? I was so confused, so messed up in my mind. I was even glad when the familiar throb of headache came claiming me. I was a coward, shrinking from the real world because I wanted something else, something different.

I told myself it was ok for me to stay by his side. It was my selfish little whim. Maybe he'll love me once again. He did request me to stay. Tears poured out my eyes while my heart bled, thinking how betrayed he must have felt when I forgot about him. He must have felt so much pain that he gave up on our relationship. And to think I was so cold hearted, losing the memories of the person I loved the most, demanding and yelling at him because he did not want me to suffer through those stupid little migraines.

What I hated myself for was to think that in the past, I used to take his love for granted. I had always brushed off his feelings lightly, without consideration. Now, when he no longer loves me, I pined for him to love me once again.

Really, I was the absolute worst.

…**.**

"Misaki…" Usagi-san came swaying down the stairs before flopping lifelessly on the sofa. Worried, I rushed to his side immediately. His eyes were closed already, with dark circles beneath them. His face was thin and sunken.

"Did you finished you work?" I asked gently. A minute passed before I received my reply, a mumbled 'uh'.

"You want anything special for dinner? I'll make it for you, since you were so good… For your hard work." I spread the sheet over him, complimenting him like a small kid. But really, I just wanted to say something, anything, to get him to talk to me.

"Omelets…" The response was muttered again. I smiled softly. I wanted to brush his bangs aside but halted my hand before it touched them. Seeing him fast asleep already, I got up quietly and went to the kitchen.

'_What is wrong with me?'_ I yelled at myself internally.

'_It's not like it was before now. Don't get carried away, me! He does not love you anymore.'_ My heart was being sliced apart but there was nothing I could do. It served me right. It was time for me to taste my own medicine. Shaking my head to clear all those thoughts, I focused on my task. Even if I'm not his lover anymore, I still can be his friend, right? And for him to be such a useless guy except when he was writing, as a friend, I can care for him, can't I?

"Oh, we're out of eggs…" I noticed after a while.

"Usa-" I stopped myself from calling his name. He was already snoring softly on the sofa. Silently, I got my coat from the hanger and opened proceeded to putting on my shoes. I was about to open the door when I heard the stomping of feet down the hall.

"Misaki! Where are you going?" He bellowed. I was rather terrified by his half-dead look but more than that, I was more concerned because after his loud exclaim, he started to sway drowsily.

"Usagi-san!" I leapt forward and caught him in the nick of time before he fell, supporting him with my shoulder. He was not completely knocked out so he still managed to stand on his own without relying much onto me unless it was for balance. I slowly guided him back into the living room and dropped him on the sofa.

"Don't go, Misaki!" He grabbed hold on my wrist as I turned to the door again.

"It's okay, Usagi-san. I'm just going out for groceries. We're out of eggs." I told him.

"I'll go with you!" He insisted, sitting up for a second before falling back into the sofa. When I looked down at his face, his eyes were already half closed but the strength of his grip did not lessen even a little. Finally, the dense me realized. He was worried that I would run away again! I could not help but feel slightly happy about my own assumption.

"It's alright. I'll be back. I promise." I patted his head. He seemed to be satisfied by this and released my hand. The next moment, he was snoring loudly again. I couldn't help chuckling a little at how childlike sometimes this man could be. There was this little warmth inflating like a balloon as I continued to stare. Usagi-san was sleeping peacefully, with me by his side. Who cared if he didn't love me anymore? It was more than enough that I could stay by the side of the person I loved. Yes, that was more than enough.

Remembering my previous task, I straightened myself soundlessly. This time, I brushed his bangs aside before leaving his side, determined to be true to my words because I could not bear to be away from him, not anymore.

…

"Ah, you're that Takahashi boy, aren't you?" An apartment guard about forty stopped me at the bottom of the apartment after I hurriedly returned from my shopping, although, calling it shopping was an exaggerating because I just got some eggs from the shop across the street.

"Pardon me? Are you talking about me?" I confusedly asked in return. Looking around, there was no one besides me. The friendly looking officer smiled and nodded. I could not help but be a little suspicious because of his over friendly grin plastered on his face.

"You were that boy who got into an accident three months ago, right? The one living with Usami-sensei? How are you?" I dipped my head in confirmation.

"Yes, I am. I am Takahashi Misaki. I am fine now. How did you know?" I politely questioned, still puzzled.

"Don't you even know your savior? I was the one who called the ambulance." He smiled at me.

"Oh, I see! Thank you, sir!" I dropped my guard a little but I did not know what else to say. What did he want from me telling me that?

"Don't worry about it! I'm sure anyone passing by would do it. What was more, I was on duty and I witness it first hand. So I wanted to know what happened." He smiled at me in a huge grin, slapping my back good naturedly. Oh, so, he was just concern on the person he saved, I realized. Suddenly, I felt ashamed of myself. My face heated up slightly for thinking bad things about him.

"I'm fine now. Really thank you for that, sir!" I bowed again, this time sincerely grateful. I thought of making something for him in return some day, perhaps cookies or something like that. He just continued laughing. It was more like roared. I smiled meekly in return, thinking that how this man reminded me of a huge, friendly Labrador. Even his hair was blonde! I giggled a little.

"Anyway, I had been intending to talk to you for a while. Do you remember anything from that accident?" The man asked seriously, changing the lively mood so suddenly that I was taken aback. I thought hard on that question Usagi-san had asked a few times. Shaking my head, I told him the same answer I had told the bunny.

"Well, here." He fidgeted a while before extracting something from his coat. It was a silver disc.

"This is from the security camera in front of the apartment on that day." He pointed to the camera jutting out from the ceiling above us.

"I'm not sure if it caught the face of the person who was driving but if you want to see… Well, it's up to you." He shrugged before handing me the shiny object. I hesitated a little before accepting it.

"Why did you give me this?" I asked.

"Well, not all people are so fortunate to have an accident recorded. This can be important evidence if you might want to sue the person or something…" He scratched his chin doubtfully.

'_That's what Usagi-san would certainly do if he knew…'_ I thought silently.

"Thank you very much for everything," I replied, then added, "Oh, can you keep this from Usami-san? It's my accident so I don't want him to interfere." He nodded solemnly. I bowed stiffly to the guard once again before making my way to the lift. My mind was completely focused on the disc. All I could do was to stare at that thing in my hand dumbly.

It was a lie that I could not remember a thing on that incident. I could remember a little. It was man with dark grey hair though I could not remember his face clearly. I refused to think further than that. But what if he was just drunk or perhaps he was too scared and sped off? More and more 'what ifs' popped up in my mind.

However, there was something I knew clearly. I must not let Usagi-san see this first. It was a good thing he was too occupied with my well-being to investigate anything about the accident. Who knew what reckless action he might take? Thank God the guard did not hand this to Usagi-san, I decided. I gripped the disc tightly in my hand before slipping it into my pocket. It felt as if it was burning, branding its content into my thigh all the way back to the penthouse.

Suddenly, feeling very cold, a shiver of chill laced with fear ran down my spine.

…**.**

**Ooo… Sounds like Misaki is being naughty! Hiding a secret like that from Usagi-san! Hahaha… The one being naughty here is the author. Haiz… I wonder if Santa would bring me a present this year. Well, in case the next chapter doesn't reach in time, Merry Christmas, everyone!**

**Now, if you please, all the lovely Santas and Santarinas (I wonder if there are even male readers in FF), do you think the little good girl here deserve some presents? I'll be demanding for more later. XP**

**Twilight Cherry**


	21. Usagisan: One

**Halo, people! How was Christmas? Did everyone had a lot of fun? Mine was relatively quiet, used to rush this chapter! XD And lookie! A super long chapter! Oh, must not forget! *prepare tissues* My beta said she got through the chapter without crying by watching blue collar comedy tour. Maybe you should try it too. Hahaha… And it has other uses as well, the tissue I mean. For nosebleed! Yep, there's the LEMON you guys have been longing for. It's my first time writing it so I really hope you like it!**

**Thanks, Cheyanne-chan! Without her help, I think it would be in a mess. She taught me a lot of things on writing! *wink***

**Usagi-san: One**

Laughing happily, Misaki ran in front of me like a kid. He then turned to face me, smiling at me with his dazzling smile, beckoning me to hurry. Unable to resist his sweet charm, my lips curved upwards in reply his brilliant smile as I stretched my hands towards his welcoming ones.

But before I could hold them, they vanished in a spur as a black car sped pass, leaving my dearest on the road, lying in a pool of ruby red liquid. His eyes were empty emerald orbs staring into the blue sky.

"Misaki!" I sat up in shocked, sweating profusely. Panting to regain oxygen, I calmed my palpitating heart by telling myself it was just a nightmare. It was just a bad dream, I chanted like a mantra, but my senses told me something was still wrong. Then, I realized. Misaki was not in the penthouse. Fumbling clumsily to wake my still asleep feet, I cursed myself for falling asleep and ran to the door. Panic rose with every step, every second. Flinging the door open, I was greeted by a surprised Misaki.

"Usagi-san?" He blinked, confused. I immediately let out a sigh of relief, collapsing onto his small being. Crushing the boy into my chest, my thundering heart finally began to settle as I slowly inhaled his scent.

"Usagi-san? It's alright… Everything is fine…" He soothed me, petting my head. When I had relaxed sufficiently, I pulled away, taking a good look at him. He was still here, solid and unharmed. His eyes were still sparkling with life, unlike those in my dreams. I exhaled once again before falling onto my knees, my arms around his thin waist.

"Never… Never leave without me. Don't ever leave my side," I choked into his abdomen, absorbing his every smell, his every soul.

"It's okay. Nothing happened. I'll be more careful from now on," Misaki said cheerfully, the stroking on my head continued. He did not understand what I was feeling, the anxiety, the worries, that heart-wrenching pain I'd felt when I thought he was gone again.

"No! Promise me, Misaki!" I demanded, tightening my grip on him. How I wish he would be a part of me, we could be together as one, so nothing could ever separate us again.

"… I promise…" I was both glad and puzzled. I did not expect him to say 'yes'. I thought he would put up more resistance, saying that it was just nonsense and I was just being a childish, that I did not trust him. Did he realize how much I feared losing him?

But there was something different about his mood, his tone he'd used. Sneaking a peek at his face, there was this serious expression adorning it. His mind was troubled by something else. I didn't know what, but for now, I decided not to prod. Instead, I was going to savor every single moment I had with him. Unknowingly, I assumed, he held me tighter to his petite body as well, our worries, though on different matters, intermingled.

…**.**

Blinking at the dark ceiling, the uneasy feeling I felt since Misaki had come back prevented me from sleeping. All there was to assure me was the heat I could feel being emitted by the body beside me and his soft breathing. He had definitely not been himself. Sure, his cooking was fine and he answered to my questions with a smile but there was this slight absent-mind look on his face.

'_It is the same as last time…'_ I told myself, _'Last time, when my father bothered us...'_

Something clicked. Did my idiot of a father do something again this time? Just like in the past, Misaki had refused to talk to me about it, stubbornly bottling it up. He probably wanted to do something about it by himself. I smiled. That was just so like him.

'_Never mind. I'll keep watch over him and help him when he needs it…'_ I silently decided.

"Uhn…" I stiffened for a split second before relaxing. My eyes closed and I tried to even out my breathing as I felt him shift beside me. He moved nearer, so near that our hands barely brushed each other's. Then, I sensed a soft tug on my pajamas.

"Usagi-san?" He whispered so softly if I was not extra aware of his every action, I would not have noticed. Internally, I debated whether to reply him or continue to act asleep but as I was thinking, he seemed to assume I had conked off. Opening my eyes ever so slightly so I could see what he was doing, not that he would notice in the dark anyway, I saw his stoic face vaguely. Gingerly, he got up and stared at me for some time. I managed to keep myself from jolting when I felt a feathery brush across my brow. That caress did not stop just there. It proceeded down my partial closed eyelids to my cheekbones, my jaws and in the end, it traced my lips. I was half blinded by the happiness and was only faintly conscious when he leaned nearer and nearer to my face.

His soft lips brushed mine. Then with slight pressure, he pressed forward. A slow kiss, gentle, loving and warm.

It wasn't like I did not want to respond to his kiss. I was just thunderstruck, shocked beyond words. All I could do was stare at him with eyes now wide open.

"Usagi-san!" He sprang away when he realized I was awake, watching what he did, but I was still frozen. The heat left by his lips still lingered on mine. I was in total disbelief.

"I-I'm so sorry!" Misaki's hands leapt to cover over his mouth. At the same time, trails of silver tears began rolling down his face. Still not yet completely recovered from the previous surprise, I parted my trembling lips.

"What are you apologizing for?" I managed to blow out from my system which was still in a daze. Ah, I was floating comfortably in cloud nine.

"I'm sorry *hic* I kissed you… *hic* you must have hated it… s-since you don't really love me *hic* anymore… E-Even though you were so kind *hic* to let me stay…" he sobbed out. That broke through my muddled-up mind. I was brought out from my delusion by his tears.

"What are you saying, Misaki?" I asked, alarmed. Squeezing his shoulders, I pulled him closer to me in order to hold him in my arms but he resisted.

"I know when you said you loved me, it was a lie… It was just a lie to make me feel better… " My beloved whispered. I was mixed up inside. Why didn't he understand that I love him so much, so much that I could even die for him? What could I do for him to make him realize my feelings?

"Maybe before the accident, you had loved me but after I lost my memories, you must have felt so betrayed… Who's ever heard of someone losing the memories of only the person he loved the most? What a bad joke… That only happens when that person is unimportant…" he muttered. I remained silent. Does this really mean he didn't really love me? But no matter if he had lost his memories or how much pain I felt or whether he loved me or not, I still loved him.

"Maybe I didn't love you quite as deep as I thought but now… I just can't control my feelings… I didn't mean to kiss you but I just…" He broke off, crying soundlessly with his head hung downwards. Hearing his serious feelings for me now, who give a damn about the past?

"I can't help loving you more and more…" I felt a tender, pleasant feel growing from inside me.

"Why would you think I don't love you anymore?" I asked gently. There was a moment's pause, a long one, as I waited patiently for his answer, slowly moving my hands onto his face to wipe away the tears that remained. Then, I lifted his chin up to look straight into his eyes. I could see him clearly despite the darkness. His eyes, damped by the previous tears, seemed to glow in the dark, shimmering like a mirage.

"Because before this happened, you used to do all kind of perverted things to me…" He jerked his head out from my grip and directed his gaze at the sheets gathered around us again. I smiled as he tried to hide his blush from me because it was a cute but futile action. His ears were red as well. He might as well blow out steam. I chuckled lightly at his shyness, his unbelievable innocent thinking and his stupidity as well.

"So, you thought I didn't love you because I didn't do perverted things to you while you couldn't remember who I was?" I questioned slyly. No reply.

"Did you mean you want me to touch you, love you like I did previously?" I snickered.

"I-I said no such thing! Good night!" he exclaimed but seemed to be tongue tied. He clearly wanted to continue with other counter arguments but fell silent, seeking refuge under the blankets, curled up into a ball. Tugging off the sheet, I saw that he had covered his face with his hands, embarrassed. I pulled his hands away, forcing him to look at me.

"Did you miss my touch?" Without waiting for an answer, I planted a firm kiss on his lips before prying open his mouth with my tongue. The entrance to the moist cavern opened without much resistance. His eyes were hazy, clouded by lust, a very sexy look I had longed for terribly. Sliding my hand down his side, I kissed his neck, now arching towards me.

"Were you sexually frustrated, Misaki?" I teased. His answer was a sharp gasp followed by a very sweet moan in my ears when my hand swept softly over his manhood.

"N-no!" He breathed, an opposite of what his body was saying. I smirked. Nuzzling the crook of his neck, I began rubbing his shaft slowly, pleased that it responded to my touch almost immediately. From above, I heard soft moans and gasps of pleasure emitting from his mouth. A flick over his pink nipple with my tongue earned me a tight grip from him on my head, pushing me down towards his lean body. Gladly, I complied, taking the rose colored bud into my mouth, sucking and nibbling. Without abandoning the other side, I twirled and pinched the other already hard tip.

"A-Ah…" My little angel whimpered melodiously as I dragged my tongue down to his navel, licking as I stroked his twitching member smoothly, lubricated by his own precum.

"You're all pent up…" I smugly announced when I hovered over his quivering penis, straining for release. Red-faced, he modestly covered his erection with his hands.

"N-No…" He was mortified when I forced his hands away, replacing them with mine, resuming my previous job. Shimmying up again, I captured his mouth, savoring the delightful taste of Misaki before releasing him for oxygen. When his panting slowed, I turned towards his ears and bit it playfully.

"It's okay… I'm just the same…" I whispered, guiding his hand with one of mine to my building tension. His hand was trembling when he touched my cock. I smiled when he stared at me with those emeralds, full of realization.

"Misaki?" I called out his name in amazement when he pulled down my pants and gripped my erection with both of his hands. His lips were squeezed into a thin line, determined. I was in heaven. My darling who hardly ever initiated any sexual movement had me in his little palms. His face was, of course, burning up but he refused to stop, following my pace. Tracing around the base of his dick, I gave a harder rub at the skin there.

"A-Aahh!" He suddenly shouted when he reached his climax, shooting his seeds onto me chest. I clicked my tongue in annoyance because I was unable to taste him. _'Never mind,'_ I told myself, _'next round.'_

"Misaki?" I asked when he recovered and flipped us around. He was on top of me, pinning me down with his thin arms. Giving me a long, hard stare, he slid down to my still towering member, the pressure still high and tense. Then, I realized what he was about to do.

"No, Misaki! It's ok!" I sat up quickly, holding him by the shoulder. He turned his gaze at me, which broke me into a million pieces. A quiet, wordless desperate plea rang loudly in my mind. I didn't have the heart to stop him, choosing only to flop backwards onto the bed limply.

His look scared me. It was just a few steps away from that blank look from my dream, hovering at the brink of falling into that state.

"…" I inhaled sharply when I felt his warm tongue tracing over the tip of my erection. It felt like a searing hot object brushing over it repeatedly but it turned into pleasant warmth after a few more times. The feeling was like getting into a hot bath during winter, at first, the water was scorching hot but after some time, when the body suited the temperature, it was pleasurable.

Misaki continued to lick me, now more daringly down its side and up again. His movement was not exactly fluid, awkward in fact, but he got into the right pace after a while. It was like he was desperately trying his best. His anguish and tension flowed into me, spiking up the fire inside. When I hitched a breath at a certain spot he hit, he seemed to understand and paid more attention to it, sending waves of pleasures through my body and up my spine, making me shiver.

"Hah…" I let out the previously supply intake of air in a whoosh when he lowered his head, engulfing it whole without a further hesitation. Watching his head as it bobbed up and down my length, feeling his hot, moist mouth slicking me, I was in ecstasy. Soon, the strain began to tighten as my heart pounded against my chest.

"Misaki, it's enough!" I pulled him away firmly. He looked at me with that face that split my heart into two but I could not hold it longer.

"Can I put it in?" My voice was gruff, unable to contain the desire. I was relieved when that empty expression disappeared, replaced by a tomato red hue. A slight nod was all it took for me to continue.

"Ah… Ah! Mm…" he cried out and shivered as I pushed in, gripping tightly onto my back, his fingers digging into my flesh. His tight cavern stretched to accommodate my shaft until it was completely swallowed to the hilt. I paused a moment for him to get used of the intrusion, watching him huffing and puffing.

"Are you ok?" I asked, concerned. Still panting, he nodded and mouthed 'move'. Complying with his request, I began thrusting into that tight hole of his which squeezing me so erotically. Oh, how I missed this sensation. It made me forget all the pain I'd felt during the last two months. I was completely intoxicated, floating in somewhere even better than Paradise could ever be. Even heaven would not be as beautiful as the sight laid before my eyes now. My dearest, beloved Misaki, moaning and crying in pleasure, covered with sweat and cum. As I assaulted his prostate gland with every plunge and every other sensitive spot of his that had already been engraved in my mind, his shouts rose.

"Ah.. AH! USAGI-SAN!" he screamed into my damp chest as he came again. At the same time, his ass clamped down on my length tightly in such an arousing manner that came in him in no time. Spent, I flopped on top of him lifelessly without pulling out. We took some time to lay quietly without words, just breathing to return oxygen into our systems. It truly felt fantastic. This single moment, I wished it would last an eternity.

"I'm sorry, Usagi-san! I'm so sorry!" He hugged me out of the blue.

"Why do you keep apologizing?" I sighed, mind still in a daze thanks to the pleasure. Flipping him on top of me so that I would not crush his petite body, I could feel his steady heartbeat synchronizing with mine.

"Even though you don't love me but you still made love to me because I insisted…" He muttered sadly. I feel like knocking my head against the nearest wall. What should I do, should I say, to make him understand my feelings? I let out a breath of exasperation. Then, inhaling deeply, I embraced him, placing my hand on his soft brown hair.

"Listen, Misaki. I will never ever lie to you. When I said, I love you, I meant it. Past, present or future, no matter what happens." I told him in my most sincere, most convincing manner. Thinking a little, I added, "Didn't I tell you I can't live without you?"

"R-Really?" His voice was trembling, along with his entire body, as if he was glad, overjoyed and relieved, which I hoped he was.

"Should I cut out my heart and give it to you for you to believe me?" I asked seriously, staring straight into his eyes.

"N-No! I believe you…" He buried his face at the crook of my neck. I felt some watery substance sliding down. Tears of relief and happiness. Smiling, I pulled the blanket over the both of us and closed my eyes, cuddling him lovingly.

"Misaki?" I uttered his name softly. He remained unmoving, breathing softly against my skin.

'_Did he fall asleep already?'_ I wondered.

Still, I continued. "No one can ever take you away from my side. You are my angel. No one can ever replace you in my heart. Having you, my personal angel, I don't need any other wishes…" I whispered into his ear. I felt his fingers which were intertwined with mine constrict significantly. He was aware.

"I love you…"

We were together, two as one.

…**.**

**How was it, how was it? I made super lots of reference around to write this but I still think it's a bit… Hmmm… Well, I'll leave it to you to judge. **

**To those who may have noticed, that last part from Usagi-san on the angel thingy IS from a song's lyrics. A Chinese song by TANK, Zhuan Shu Tian Shi or Personal Angel. It is used in the Taiwan version of Hana Kimi. Nice song. Hehe… I translated it myself and edited it a bit… I did not really study Chinese but I can speak, write and read simple lines and words. So, pardon me if it sounded a bit weird. And if you are free, go watch the MV. It's nice. At the end there, the male character said something that is very touching but I thought it didn't fit with Usagi-san though it did as well. Hahaha… He said, "Once, I had also similarly protected a girl. Until now, it had remained the same."**

**And so, more about this sudden update. It's my birthday! 29****th**** December! Hahaha… Instead of receiving presents, I decided to give one to everyone! Thank you for your support throughout this story. It will come to an end in a few more chapters so bear with me! And I noticed that this story had been here for a year or so. I posted this last year end.**

**So, Happy New Year to all of you! And I include a birthday wish to Itou Kentarou-sama (Hiro-chan) whose birthday is on the 3****rd**** of January! Happy birthday, Ken-chan! I love you!**

**Next update would be end of January! Sorry if it's a bit late cause I have exams coming up again. Haiz… But to make up, this chapter is long! XP**

**Though I said I was giving you guys a present, I still want my present! XP**

**Twilight Cherry**


	22. Misaki: Betrayal

**I'm ALIVE! I'M ALIVE~~ Oh yeah! Hahaha… I just felt like singing that song. What song you ask? Go watch Kuroshitsuji. Haha… And that concludes my intro. Sorry for leaving you people hanging there for so long. I'm officially back and the sorry to say that this story is going to end soon, another 2 more chapters currently with my beta. We've come a long way, huh? Isn't it sad? Aww… But not to worry! I'm working on a new story so read that, kay? **

**As usual, thanks to my beta, Chey-chan! I'm so sorry I left you so long!**

**Misaki: Betrayal**

I was so sure it was a dream _'But what is this warmth I'm feeling around me? What is this soft breeze blowing on my face? Whose arms are these wrapping around me strongly?'_ And when he opened his amethyst eyes, looked down at me and smiled, all these felt extremely real that I could do nothing else but accept it. Tears spilled down gratefully as I buried my face into his chest. Words from the night before ran in my head until I realized that he was also whispering them into my ears.

"I love you… I love you so much, Misaki…" He lovingly nuzzled me. I felt my lips curve upward as I tilted my head up. That gentle smile that graced his face for a moment before he kissed me softly was for me alone.

"I love you too, Usagi-san…" I murmured into the crook of his shoulder. But still lingering in my chest was the slight heaviness of my secret. _'Should I tell him?'_ I considered it for a moment before deciding. He had been worrying over it for some time, for my sake. I knew it was hurting him. If he was truthful to me, shouldn't I do the same as well?

"Usagi-san…" I tried to steady the quaver in my voice.

"What is it, Misaki?" He asked sweetly. I blinked for a moment, considering how to put it into words so that it would not come out the wrong way like I always did.

"I've got something to tell you but after you hear it, I want you to be calm about it, alright?" I told him seriously. Confusion appeared on his face but he nodded and promised me without pressing it.

"I remembered the person who hit me…" I said to him quietly, all the while observing his face. As I predicted, his expression was contorted with fury immediately. There was this coldness in his eyes, like when he could care less about whatever was around him.

"Who was it, Misaki? Tell me!" His grip on my shoulder was strong, not enough to hurt me but still tight. I felt like a bird caught by a cat.

"Calm down… You promised…" I reminded him, fear coursing through my veins. I didn't like it when he was like this. This was not my Usagi-san. When he showed no signs of relaxing, I hesitantly lifted my hand and stroked his cheek. The stone-like amethyst eyes vanished as warmth filled them again.

"Misaki? I'm sorry! Don't cry…" I was surprised as he shushed me. When I touched my own face, I found out that what he was saying was true. Without realizing it, the tears started to flow again. _'Jeez,'_ I thought to myself. _'Lately, I've been crying real easily without even noticing. I have to seriously toughen up.'_

"I'm okay…" I rubbed my eyes vigorously with my hand. A little whimper escaped his throat and he immediately caught my hand, stopping my action. Pulling me close to him, he soothed the rawness I made with butterfly kisses.

"Don't be like that… It hurts me to see you like this…" I traced the lines of pain and anger on his face, hoping that they would vanish under my touch quickly. I gave him a little smile, trying to coax back that upward curve of his lips that was only for me. I felt happiness wash over me when he granted my wish. Hidden behind the smile, though, were guilt and grief.

"I'm sorry…" he repeated. Pulling me to his chest, I listened for the steady rhythm of his heart accompanied by his soft strokes on my head.

"It's okay… I'm okay… I just don't want you to find it out by yourself. I'm sure you would run off and do something rash. I don't want that…" I said to him. He did not make any comment but remained silent, his large hand sieving through my chocolate hair. I peeked upwards to see him deep in thoughts as he considered my words.

"So, who was it?" he asked quietly, emotionlessly. It did hurt to see him like this. His amethyst eyes were blank, betraying no emotions or thoughts but knowing him, he was just swallowing all the anger down for the time being.

"…" I opened my mouth but no words came out. Disappointment and guilt was clashing against each other in my heart.

"Misaki? It's alright if you can't say it… It doesn't matter anyway. As long as you're by my side, as long as you're here…" My gentle Usagi-san returned to me, petting my head to comfort me, as he muttered those words in my ears. That gave me strength as I gritted my teeth. It didn't matter to him but it did to me. I must not let this man down again. I had made him suffer so much, too much. I was already not qualified to love him but I was given a second chance, one more time to redeem myself.

"It was… It was…" Without realizing, my whole body was trembling, shaking like a leaf. He embraced me tightly, spreading his warmth as my vibrating fingers clutch to his broad back for support. Inhaling deeply, I raised my lips to his ear and whispered.

I broke down into uncontrollable sobs on his shoulder after uttering that name, my heart throbbing with pain for betraying and being betrayed.

…**.**

**Well, a short chapter for warming up after such a long break. XD A cliffy there, isn't it? Don't worry. The next update would be fast, I swear! I'm completely free now, no more exams for the next six months! Wee! So, do look forward to the next chapter soon! I'll probably post it on this upcoming Sunday (if I get it back from my beta before that, I'm sure she will) along with another Code Geass fanfiction. Why, you ask? It's Suzaku's birthday! Yay!**

***down on knees* Please forgive me and give me my reviews…. *look at readers with puppy eyes***

**Twilight Cherry**


	23. Usagisan: Unlocked

**Okay! As promised! Hehehe… Wee! It's Suzaku's birthday! I'm so happy! Happy happy happy~~ *twirl around in circles***

**But this can't be done without my superb beta! So be sure to thank her yeah! Let's say 'thank you' together! One, two, three! THANK YOU, CHEY-CHAN!**

**Usagi-san: Unlocked**

Indeed, the fury blinded me when those words reached my ears. The name of that person who dared to hurt my Misaki. If it were not for the boy, clutching onto me for dear life, breaking down like a child, I would had burst out of the room and do something rash like he'd said. However, his warmth reached into my cold heart, calming the rage in me.

As he continued to break down in my arms, I softly stroked his hair, occasionally planting soft kisses on the crown of his head. He must have been suffering so much, being betrayed by that person. Because I know him so well, much better than myself, I knew that he was agonizing over having to betray his friend as well. When his sobs weakened, I tilted his head upwards and kissed his swollen eyes, whispering words of comfort.

"Usagi-san… What should I do?" His voice was trembling. In fact, his whole body was shaking. Holding him within my embrace, I pondered on the question and all his earlier words. If it was I who was betrayed like this, I would pay him back in the same way. I would become the cold-blooded monster I used to be while steeling my heart away from the world.

But… ever since I met Misaki, he had found his way into me to pull me out of that lonely world. Even if I really wanted to kill that bastard who nearly took away my Misaki from me, I knew my kind little angel would not want that. Sometimes, he was too softhearted for his own good.

"It's alright. You don't need to do anything…" I whispered into his ear. His grip on my back tightened again.

"It's okay. I'll do something about it…" I assured him. Gasping, he suddenly pushed away from my embrace. I could not help feeling the slight pang of pain when he rejected me.

"What are you going to do?" he demanded, pulling onto the front of my shirt. Then I realized that he was not rejecting me. His eyes told me everything. They were filled with worry and fear.

"Don't worry, Misaki… I won't do anything stupid and get myself caught. That would just separate me from you and I certainly don't want that." I smiled as I saw relief wash over him.

"Promise me… Promise me you'll never leave my side…" He buried his face into my chest.

"I swear," I replied him. There is nothing in the world anymore that could make me give up my dear Misaki, unless he wants it. That was what I had decided from the start when he told me he loved me. I wanted to see his face so badly that I separated him from myself. Tilting his head upwards, I kissed his slightly parted lips softly.

"I haven't thought of what I'm going to do but I'll find a way… It's going to be alright…" I told him before sealing my promise with another kiss. He nodded. Looking up at me with those emerald orbs, he smiled, brushed his lips quickly across mine and turned away, embarrassed. Then, dragging a sheet along with him as he stood from the bed, he took two steps before stumbling. My body's reflex action kicked in before he hit the floor and my hand circled around his petite waist.

"Are you alright?" Worried, I held on to him even though I had placed him firmly on his two feet. He was blushing red up to his ears as his head dipped a little. Then, I realized what was wrong. Picking him up bridal style, I made my way to the bathroom.

"Ah! Usagi-san! Put me down!" He resisted but I could clearly tell it was half hearted. I chuckled at his cute pink cheeks as he tried to avert his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Misaki went still as I discarded the cloth covering him and slide into the bathtub, cushioning him with my body. I held onto him as I adjust the water temperature. He fidgeted a little then remained as still as a mouse that sensed a predator. Every inch of my body that his soft skin was connected to tingled with warmth. Grabbing a cloth from the rack nearby, I began to wash his small body.

"Usagi-san… I can wash myself…" he muttered shyly, catching hold of my hand, trying to take the cloth, but I lightly caught both his hands with the other and continued my task. I was pleasantly surprised that he did not resist. It was not often that he was this obedient.

"I'm sorry I forgot it was your first time after so long… I shouldn't have pushed you so hard," I apologized again for being insensitive. He shook his head, blushing until his neck went red. Unable to resist to temptation, I planted a soft kiss on his red neck. Slowly, he leaned back, pushing me back as well until both of us were comfortably lying in the tub, warm water covering most of our bodies. He held onto my hand and wrapped it around himself, taking the cloth I was using and cleaned my arms even as they embraced him.

"Usagi-san is so kind…" he mumbled.

"Only to you, my beloved Misaki," I whispered in return. The reaction I was predicting from him did not appear.

"Even though I forgot about you and only remembered your name?" he asked, turning to look at me. His green eyes were filled with regret, apologetic.

"No matter what happened or will happen, I'll always love you," I assured him. Really, I could not imagine loving anyone else other than him. I think I would rather die if I could not love him. He was the one who taught me to be human. He was the one who caused me to abandon my cold, emotionless figure.

"Thank you." Squeezing hard on my hand, Misaki blinked and two drops of tears fell, the splashing noise echoing off the walls of the bathroom. I tilted his face towards me again and kissed him. Misaki then shifted his body to face mine, putting more force into the kiss I initiated as I gladly accepted his passion. Finally, we parted. Due to lack of air, his face took on a reddish hue and he nestled it face on my shoulder.

"Usagi-san, you know, I remember everything now. Everything…" he told me.

"Mmm…" I wordlessly answered. I didn't care whether he remembered or not now. As long as he loved me and he knew that I loved him, nothing really mattered anymore.

"You know, when the car was coming at me… When I saw… Senpai's face…" A tremor ran down his body and I felt his heart rate pick up when he mentioned about that bastard. I gripped onto his back, waiting patiently for him to continue. He took in a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

"I was only thinking of you." He hesitated, blushing furiously, "I was thinking that I couldn't give you up, not to Senpai, not to anyone. I will not let anyone take you away from me!"

I was practically over the moon to hear him say those words. Those little words spread warmth through me like molten fire as I held on to him for dear life.

"I love you. I love you so much, Misaki… I'll love you forever." I enveloped him, careful not to injure his small frame but tight enough so that he would not escape ever again. He looked up and smiled timidly, looking so cute that I could easily pounce on him again but I restrained myself. It was more than enough for today. He didn't say anything but I could see that he was exhausted.

"Maybe… maybe that's why I forgot about you. No… It was more like I locked all the memories of you in my heart. My precious memories of you… And you are the key to unlock them…" I chuckled softly. How did this boy managed to find all those sweet simple words that makes me so happy? And I, supposing to be a fantastic author, could not find the proper words to reply to him than just those plain 'I love yous'. No matter how many times I say them, they'll never be enough. But I'll still say it because those are important words to convey one's feelings.

I really do love him, with my entire soul.

…**.**

**Yeah… I was re-reading 'The Host' the other day. Hahaha… All with the soul business and bla bla. And so, the culprit has been revealed! Muahaha! Who got it right? Here's a cookie for you. XD Next update would be when I get the next chapter back from my beta and it's the end! Aww… It's the end… The end… But I'm working on a new story so read that kay? But that's a little different. I thought I try a different approach. Hahaha…**

**And now, please donate me some inspirational thoughts of yours and make the author here happy!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	24. Misaki: Future

**Tadah! It's the last chapter! Finally! I managed to finish a story (excluding those one shots). Hahaha… Whoop de doo! I'm so proud of myself. Hahaha… Thank you all of you readers who had stuck with this selfish author until the end! Thank you so much and I hope you'll continue to read my new story as well!**

**Can't miss the VIP, Chey-chan! Thank you so much for making my work an understandable one. Hahaha… Without you, some readers might not understand my crappy English. I heart you!**

**Misaki: Future**

True to his words, Usagi-san did something about it. He confronted senpai's father and told him what happened, _threatened_ him with what happened was more accurate. Frightened that if the rumors spread, it might damage the author's reputation, Sumi-san begged for forgiveness, offering to pay back all the medical fees to my brother and extra who-knows-how-much for the disc. As for senpai, he was also repenting on what he had done; only realizing after what he had done might land him in prison. Senpai was transferring to a university in Hokkaido which, in Usagi-san's opinion, was not far enough.

As for me, well, I would say things turned out quite nicely… for once. I was completely healed in and out, maybe a little tinge of sadness remained in my heart but I'm sure it will be forgotten soon enough, I hope.

"USAMI AKIHIKO! WHERE'S THE FUCKING MANUSCRIPT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"Misaki, let's go for a trip to Hong Kong. I want to eat dim sum. And while we are there, let's go to Beijing as well to see the pandas!" Usagi-san caught my hand and started dragging me towards the door with one hand, luggage in the other. I tried bracing myself but that man was just too strong.

"Don't you dare step out of that door even one inch!" An ear-splitting scream came from the demon editor fuming with her horns and tails twitching madly, her entire body on fire. Then, as if it had passed the energy limit zone, all those vanished as Aikawa-san melted into a puddle in front of me, begging me to do something about the struggling silver rabbit. I felt my brow twitching ever so slightly.

"Usagi-san, can't you just finish it properly this time?" I sighed as he closed the door to separate us from the wailing woman. A smirk appeared on his face and that caused my brows to unconsciously twitch again. As much as I liked to see him smiling, I could not say that I hate his mischievous grin. But as time passed, I've learnt my lessons as well. I put on a small smile as well, after giving him a dirty look, of course.

"I'll go with you once you've finished your work, okay?" My tone, I would say, was perfect. Not too sweet and calm. I saw the slight glint at the corner of his eyes as he leaned towards me, trapping me with one hand against the wall. Inside my heart, the pride was growing. So far, so good.

"But I have no motivation at all," he whined, "Unless, Misaki is willing to boost me with a kiss?"

"F-fine!" I stuttered. Coming nearer and nearer, he closed his eyes and tilted his head a little. I enjoyed the one second view of his handsome face before putting the plan into action.

"YOU WISH!" Just before his lips touches mine, I smack him right on the top of his head, the sides of my lips curving upwards, and dragged him back in. Victory was mine, I gloried.

"It's alright, Aikawa-san. I'll send you the updates later," I told her as we passed her. My face was properly blank as I continued to toil him on to the stairs and up to the office. Finally, after dumping him on the chair in front of his laptop, he opened his eyes. I could not help being drawn to those amethyst eyes for a moment but after years of training, I recovered quite quickly before he could take advantage of it. He flopped back lifelessly, looking at me with forlorn eyes, pouting like a small child.

"I thought you love me. And who was it that made me promise not to leave his side? Who was it that thought that because I didn't have sex with him, I did not love him anymore?" he moaned sadly. I felt heat rising very slowly from deep inside of me. I went up to him and looked down at him solemnly.

"Finish your work and we'll go on a proper holiday," I said as I sighed. Dipping my knees, I brushed my lips against his for a mere moment, turning away smoothly towards the exit. His eyes were wide with shocked as I smirked. I would say that I'm getting better at handling this troublesome rabbit.

"Misaki!" As he came running, I slammed the door at his face. Laughing from the outside, I imagined the image of Usagi-san squished flat against the door. Then I heard those words, muffled as if he was saying it with his cheek adhered to the door, that made my heart jump with joy and the fire reach my cheeks, burning them up. I was grateful the door separated us. If he was to say anymore of those sappy things, I certainly would have given in to him. Smiling foolishly to myself as I pressed my back against the door, I felt as if we were connected. I could sense him clearly behind the barrier between us. I wondered if his idiocy had infected me as well.

"I love you too…" I whispered back.

And that's how our future would be as well.

…**.**

**And that's it! Rather short and abrupt. I seriously did not know what I wanted to do with Sumi so I decided to make it short and kick him out quick. Hahaha…**

**And, my final chapter. To those silent readers, SAY SOMETHING! It's the last chapter! XD And to my regular reviewers, you know what to do. Wee~~ I'm going high!**

**Twilight Cherry**


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